Sincere Intentions
by IMTrinity
Summary: Severus Snape expects many things in life-pain, murder, manipulation. What he does not expect is Remus... SLASH
1. Chapter 1

Title: Sincere Intentions

Rated: M

Pairing: SS/RL

Warning(s): Slash, of course. Language, some possible OOC

Author's notes: This fic is actually complete. Please bear with me while I thoroughly read through each chapter-this is unbetaed because I haven't found a reliable one. If you are interested, or know someone, please let me know.

Summary: Severus Snape expects many things in life-pain, murder, manipulation. What he does not expect is Remus...

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

* * *

The signs were subtle at first. A long glance here, an accidental brush in the corridor there, and no one was the wiser. The days were long and strenuous and everyone's mind was bogged down with thoughts of peril and or survival.

The Order met more routinely, each meeting ending the way it began; with no new information, no plan of action, and no hope. Still, the signs were there, though everyone seemed unaware of them.

Severus Snape was no fool. He had too much experience with stealth and subtlety. At first, he dismissed the actions truly for what they were- accidental. The house was, after all, constantly full of people and it was far too easy to bump into any and everybody. But after the crowds had departed, after the hostile and depressing place that was Grimmauld Place was evacuated by all but a few, it was harder to ignore the truth.

Remus Lupin was up to something. That much was clear. It was entirely Dumbledore's fault, of course. It was he that asked- no, _demanded_- that Severus occupy Grimmauld Place during the summertime. Some nonsense about safety and convenience.

"After all, we are meeting there so often, it would make perfect sense. Don't you agree, Severus?" His eyes had twinkled.

"No. Forgive me, Albus, but I see no need. I can just as easily apparate there from Hogwarts. I have no desire to dwell in that...place." If he was acting childish, he would never admit it. But he had no wish to set foot in that old house any more than absolutely necessary.

"You will continue to have privacy, Severus. There is even ample room in the cellar for a potions lab. It would be entirely pleasant."

Snape glared at him. "Then why don't you move there."

Dumbledore actually laughed. Snape's eyes narrowed further.

"Come now, Severus. You would be doing me a favor."

Ah, so the truth comes out.

"Really. And that would be?"

"As you know, Harry must go home to his family for a good part of the summer. There is no way around that, and he is the safest he will ever be, there. Two weeks before classes resume, he will be moved to Grimmauld Place." Snape had glowered pointedly at the mention of the Potter brat.

"It will ease my mind immensely if I knew he had someone there to keep an eye on him. Especially in that place. I'm afraid his state of mind is still rather fragile."

"Lupin will be there. Do you not trust the wolf?" he had sneered, frustrated at Albus's ridiculous suggestion.

"Remus will be a great help to Harry. But one man is not enough. If something were to happen...Remus has been trying to infiltrate the werewolf packs approached by Voldemort. If he needed to be elsewhere, Harry would have no protection."

"Oh, spare me! I'm not so foolish as to think that no one from the Order would be willing to baby-sit Potter for a day or two. I am entirely unqualified and I have more important things to do and worry about this summer! Good day, Albus!" He had slammed the door on his way out.

Two weeks later, he stood outside of Grimmauld Place, a shrunken trunk by his side, and a withered expression on his face. He knocked, for the first and last time. If he was going to be living here, there was absolutely no way he would knock for admittance each time.

The door opened and a shabby, but cheerful looking werewolf appeared.

"Hello, Severus. Albus told me to expect you today. Come in." He stood aside.

Snape said nothing as he levitated his trunk into the house, setting it gently down on the worn hardwoods. He turned in a swirl of robes, facing Remus.

"I presume I may pick whatever room I wish?" He took in Remus's tattered appearance- long loose trousers, a button down shirt and a large wool vest- and sneered in obvious disdain.

"Yes, certainly. There are bedrooms on the second floor as well as the attic. The children usually inhabit those." He laughed slightly at that and Snape's sneer increased.

"Very well. I assume that pathetic house elf is still around?"

"Kreacher? Yes, though I doubt much help would come from him." He chuckled slightly and Snape just levitated his trunk once more, and walked past the other man, up the large and creaking staircase.

Choosing a large bedroom on the second floor, he began the long task of unpacking his trunk, glowering as he worked. He detested being here. He detested relying on someone else's hospitality and he certainly detested Lupin. After he had finished, he was famished.

Deciding against calling the elf, he went downstairs, only to find Remus already in the kitchen.

"What is for dinner?" he asked, perturbed.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Severus. I did prepare something. Do you like pork? I made roasted potatoes as well." Snape visibly grimaced.

"Swine is of the filthiest and most pathetic variety of meat. I will not put that in my mouth under any circumstances."

Lupin merely stared, then shrugged. "Potatoes then?"

Snape had stormed out of the house.

***

Two weeks later, Snape thundered into the library, where Remus sat reading, and thrust a small goblet in his face.

Remus took it, thanking him pleasantly.

"Listen to me, Lupin. I am aware of the fact that you live here, and theoretically speaking, this is your home. However, if I even see a glimpse of your fur within the next twenty-four hours, you will be very sorry that I came to live here. Do I make myself clear?" His voice brooked no arguments and Lupin nodded in understanding.

That night, Severus heard the locks and wards go up on the wolf's room. No sound was heard from the room that night, but Severus didn't sleep a wink.

Dumbledore annoyingly paid them a visit the morning after. Severus was already in the kitchen, drinking his coffee when the headmaster entered, wearing his most glaring and ridiculous of robes. The vomit of color was entirely too cheerful for the residence, Snape thought.

"Good morning, Severus! I trust everything is going well?"

"Albus, you asked me this two days ago, surely you have more important matters to deal with then spending time here."

"Ah, but my boys _are_ important to me." He turned as Remus walked into the room, looking tired, but with that perpetual cheerfulness in tact.

"Good morning, Albus, Severus."

"How are you, my dear boy?" asked Dumbledore sincerely.

"Same old, Albus. Though, I sensed something different with the Wolfsbane." His eyes glanced over to Severus who was pointedly ignoring the both of them.

It was Dumbledore that broke the silence as he stared from one face to another. "Remus, I believe Severus had mentioned to me experimenting with a more potent version of the Wolfsbane. I trust everything went well?"

Remus looked sheepish as he ran a hand through his silver specked hair.

"Actually, it went very well. I do feel less tired than usual. Perhaps it's a coincidence though. Severus?"

Severus continued to sip from his cup, reading the Daily Prophet. Without looking up, he said, "Lupin, if you cannot sense the difference in your own body, then how am I supposed to?" His voice was perfectly disdainful, but Remus smiled nonetheless.

"Forgive me, Severus. I didn't mean to doubt your brewing skills. Yes, I suppose I feel differently. Better."

"Well!" exclaimed Dumbledore a little too loudly. "That is great news indeed. I'm so glad to hear you are both doing so well. I just wanted to tell you I will be calling a meeting tomorrow night. Around six, just in time for dinner. Molly will be cooking, of course."

He left soon after, and Severus had gone to his lab. It was the only place he didn't feel so suffocated. The house had four floors, including the cellar, about twenty rooms, and yet Severus couldn't help but feel trapped. And Remus milling about wasn't helping matters. He didn't trust the wolf.

He picked up a plate full of toad's eyes, and immediately dropped it with a hiss. Ignoring the spoiled eyes, he jumped over the mess and ran up the narrow cellar steps, through the kitchen, and then leapt three steps at a time to his own bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

His forearm was burning and he needed to find his robes. He tore into his closet, locating a small box hidden in the very back. He pulled it out, stifling a moan of pain. He carefully took the robe and mask out of the box, as well as two tiny potion vials. Pain potion. He never left for a meeting without them. Cursing the timing, he donned his robe and grabbed the mask, running out of the room.

"Lupin!" The house was too large to physically search for him. At the moment, he didn't care how crazed he sounded. He needed to leave.

A concerned-looking Remus exited the parlor, eyes dawning in immediate realization as he took in Snape's appearance. Snape walked up to Remus, barely refraining from grimacing from the intense pain.

"I have to go. Alert Dumbledore." He said no more as turned in a whirl of black robes, donning his mask and storming outdoors. He never saw the worried expression Remus wore throughout the evening.

***

He returned very late. It was well past three in the morning. Time held no significance for Severus though. The pain was all he felt. He couldn't remember how he was able to apparate, but apparently, he did so and without splinching anything. He had stumbled through the front door, closing it behind him. He leaned against the doorframe, hand still on the knob, taking deep calming breaths.

A light went on in the nearby library and Severus cursed his rotten luck.

Remus came out, completely dressed as if he had never gone to bed. Immediately, he approached Severus.

"My god. Are you all right?" Severus instantly sneered at his concern. He stormed by Remus, walking stiffly to the library. Lupin followed steps behind.

Severus took the floo powder that was near the fireplace and called out for Dumbledore.

"Severus, thank goodness you...Severus!" A pause and then: "You need medical attention."

"Nonsense, I am perfectly fine. I only called to alert you of my return. If you don't mind, I will save my brief for the meeting tomorrow. Trust me, there is nothing lucrative to report," he finished disdainfully.

"Of course, of course, but Severus, I really think I should send Poppy to you-"

"No. I can manage on my own. She will just fill me with potions that I created, which I have here as well. No, thank you. Goodnight Albus." He shut off the floo, and then remembered Remus was still in the room.

His glare may not have been at one hundred percent, but Remus took a step backwards. It however, did not deter him.

"Severus, how long were you under cruciatus? You look inches from death."

"Lupin, when I have need of your opinion, I assure you, I would still never ask it. Your concern is unappreciated. Go. Away." Snape remained on his knees on the floor and Remus hovered where he was.

"Lupin, what part of-" But Remus had already walked over and grabbed Severus's arm, eliciting a slight moan of pain. He pulled Severus to his feet with deceptively affective strength. Severus just glared wide-eyed.

"Release my arm, wolf." His voice was cold and low and Remus slowly acquiesced. He looked at Snape for a moment before shaking his head and stalking out of the room. Severus stared at his retreating form, until he heard the distinctive sound of footsteps up the stairs.

He released a shaky breath, cringing as the pain rippled through his body. Damn it all. He truthfully couldn't remember how many times Voldemort had performed his most favorite curse on him. Only that he had finally screamed at number six. It may have been a record. The pain would remain for at least a couple more days. He needed to get to his lab in the cellar to acquire more pain potion. At the moment though, he could barely breathe let alone walk.

He collapsed in the nearest chair and immediately blacked out.

When he awoke, Remus was sitting practically next to him, intently watching him. Snape flinched from the close proximity and his body spasmed, remembering the prior night. He clenched his jaw, refusing to make a sound in front of Lupin.

"Severus, you are the most stubborn man I've ever known." He stood and held out a familiar looking vial in his hands.

Snape glared first at the bottle, then at Remus. "Did you go into my lab, Lupin? I thought I made it clear that under no circumstances were you, or anyone allowed to go there."

Remus actually rolled his eyes at him. "I know you couldn't do it yourself last night, Severus. And I can see by the look on your face that today is no better. Now, please drink this and just shut up for once.

Severus glared but grabbed the vial. Remus did not stay though; he barged out a second later. Severus uncorked the vial and downed it in an instant, grimacing at the awful taste. He did feel better though, the pain numbing slightly after a few moments.

He attempted to stand but he felt inexplicably tired all of a sudden, collapsing back on the soft cushions. The last coherent thought he had was that he was going to kill Lupin for slipping a sleeping potion into his vial.

***

He felt a slight tugging on his conscience, an annoying, unpleasant motion, like being jostled. And he was. He cracked an eye open only to see Remus standing over him, shaking him gently by the shoulder.

"Severus. Severus, wake up. The Order will be here in an hour."

Order. Meeting. Oh! Wide-eyed and fully awake, he threw a glare at Remus as he attempted to stand. He batted away Remus's offered hand and proudly got on his own two feet without any assistance. He straightened out his robe, only to realize it was his Death Eater robe.

"Where is my-"

"I placed it on your bed. You must have dropped it coming in last night."

A relived sigh escaped Snape's lips before he remembered that Remus tricked him last night. He threw a venomous look at Remus.

"If you _ever_ give me a sleeping potion again against my will, I will personally put something into your Wolfsbane next month. And I assure you, it will not be pleasant."

"Come, Severus. You could barely move. You know as well as I do that you needed that rest."

"What I _don't _need is a nurse maid. There is already an annoying woman who works at Hogwarts. She is nuisance enough. Stop interfering with my activities." He walked past Remus.

"...As useless as Black..." he murmured, storming out the room. He had made it upstairs, albeit a little slowly, and to his rooms, before succumbing to weakness. His breathing was ragged and his legs felt weak.

He slowly inched his way over to the bed, noticing the porcelain disfigured mask lying on top of the coverlet. He frowned and stuffed it under his pillow. He had no energy to properly put it away. He unhooked his death eater robes and stuffed them under as well. He had no time to shower or clean up and had no stamina to do so anyway.

He stayed, attempting to relax on his bed, until he heard the tell-tale signs of life in the house. Doors opening and closing. The smell of delicious food. His stomach churched. He was starved, but didn't think he could handle putting anything into his stomach.

He sighed and stood. He attempted to make himself presentable, smoothing out his clothing and hair. He left his room and made the long trek down the stairs.

He heard voices from the parlor and library, but he ignored them and went straight to the dining room. The enormous rectangular table was empty so he happily took a seat towards the end of the table. His entire body ached and he would have loved nothing better than to rest his head on the table. Unfortunately, people were starting to enter, and he had no choice but to sit rod-straight and to remain completely impassive.

Hardly anyone spoke to him during the meetings, and that was fine by him. He usually left as soon as it was adjourned, almost everyone staying for dinner, but him. Now, living here, he had no choice but to put up with everyone.

People filed in, some nodding in his direction, a few completely ignoring him. Molly and Author bustled in, looking slightly harassed.

"Oh, hello Severus. Didn't see you there. How are you?"

"Fine. And you, Arthur?" He hated these pleasantries. It was entirely nauseating to be in a room full of people who had nothing but contempt for him. He supposed he could stand Arthur.

"Oh, you know how it is, Severus," he said almost sadly. Severus just nodded, not saying anything.

"Hullo, Professor!" Snape mentally cringed. Tonks, the walking disaster had acknowledged him, quite loudly. Almost every eye was on him.

"Miss Tonks," he curtly replied. She smiled, oblivious, and sat two seats away from him. Dumbledore finally entered, smiling and greeting absolutely everybody. Predictably, he sat at the head of the table, not far from Severus.

"Is everyone assembled?"

"Sorry! I'm here, sorry." Remus trailed in, looking slightly out of breath. Snape would have ignored him, except for the fact that the seat to his right was the only available seat. Remus nudged his way through the crowd and plopped down next to Snape.

"Hi, Remus." Tonks predictably engaged Lupin in small talk. Snape rolled his eyes at her pathetic and obvious display to lure Remus in.

Finally, Dumbledore began to speak. "Thank you all for coming. I have a few matters to discuss, but first, Severus has something to say."

Predictably, all eyes turned towards the black-clad wizard, sitting with his arms crossed at his chest. He didn't bother to stand. He didn't think he'd be able to.

"I was summoned last night." The room was deathly quiet. "I assure you, I have nothing new to divulge, except the obvious displeasure of the Dark Lord. He is especially unhappy with the fact that Potter has slipped from his grasp once more. The Death Eaters took the brunt of the displeasure.

I assure you, his numbers are rapidly increasing. More and more fools are lining at his gates, practically begging for admittance. His army is larger and more psychotic than ours. They will stoop to whatever level they need to in order to achieve their goal." He stopped speaking. His head was killing him and he would have loved nothing more than to go upstairs to bed.

"That's it, eh? That's all you found out from your little meeting, Snape? Hmph, that isn't much of any help to any of us here!" Snape turned a level glare to Moody, the annoying and perpetual thorn in Snape's side. At least when he's out of the school.

"I cannot give you what the Dark Lord does not wish to divulge. I assure you, even Malfoy is not privy to more than I."

Moody glared at Snape with his misshapen head. "There's something fishy Dumbledore! No news, for weeks, and now this! What use is this information to us?"

"Alastor," Dumbledore chided gently. "Severus is invaluable to the Order. Remember, he is our _only_ link to Voldemort and his dealings. Severus is right. We cannot tear the information from him. When he is ready and has a plan, he will certainly include his most inner circle with the information. Then we shall know all."

"By then, it'll be too late! What good is Snape then! He'll have no choice but to obey or be killed." Snape thought he didn't sound entirely worried about that.

"Albus is right," chimed in Arthur. Everyone is doing all they can. We can't do anymore if we tried. Thank you for the information, Severus."

Snape just nodded, completely bored with the conversation. He leaned forward in his chair and folded his hands in front of him on the table- and almost ended up copying Remus's exact position. He quickly removed his hands from the table, placing them in his lap instead.

Dumbledore had started discussing something else, but Snape was oblivious. He stared down at the table, unblinking. Finally, people started to rise. Realizing the meeting was over, he purposely waited until almost everyone had left the room. Only Dumbledore, Arthur, Remus and Tonks remained.

Snape braced his hands on the edge of the table and used every last bit of strength to stand up.

"Severus," whispered Dumbledore. "Are you alright?"

"Perfectly," Snape ground out.

Unfortunately, Remus and his unnatural hearing had to butt in. "Albus, the man is more stubborn than a mule."

"Remus, you are entirely out of line. I thought I warned you last night to stay out of my affairs!" His voice was low but harsh and he couldn't help but be pleased at Remus's abashed expression.

"Severus, take my arm." Snape looked at Dumbledore, frowning.

"What for?"

Dumbledore gave him a look worthy of Voldemort. Snape grudgingly grabbed his arm and before he knew it, they were both standing in Snape's bedroom.

The sudden apparation made Snape dizzy, but Dumbledore was immediately at his side, easing him to the bed.

"Rest now, Severus. I'm sure no one would miss you at dinner." He departed right after and Severus was left wondering about Dumbledore's frosty attitude.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Pairing: SS/RL

Author's notes: Thank you once again to everyone who took the time to review. I can't tell you how thrilled I was. Also, if anyone happens to spot anything weird like a typo or a formatting issue, please let me know.

For warnings, summary and disclaimer, see chapter 1.

* * *

The days passed somewhat uneventfully. The weather was oppressive outside, though inside, it felt positively frigid. Remus no longer greeted Severus whenever he saw him. There were no more cheery 'Good morning's', no 'how are you this evening, Severus?' and thankfully, no more 'Good night, Severus.'

Severus was left alone in relative peace, except of course for the annoying visits from Dumbledore, and the occasional pointless Order meeting.

It was in one of those meetings that Severus first started noticing things, odd things, regarding Remus. Moody was, as usual, berating Snape for his lack of information, and Severus was pointedly ignoring him.

"It's suspicious, Albus! Surely you realize that." He was on his feet, attempting to intimidate Severus, peering at the indifferent man with his swirling artificial eye.

"Alastor, calm yourself. This is not helping."

Severus noted that Dumbledore looked more tired with each passing day. Looking around, many around the table had the same look. The weariness was starting to get to him as well.

"He's up to something, I tell you!" Moody pointed a menacing finger at Snape, who continued to glower in his direction.

"Moody, that's enough!" Severus blinked at Remus's intervention.

"Severus is the only one of us that is out there, with _Him_. I'm sure he doesn't appreciate you pointedly accusing him."

Snape wanted to say he didn't really appreciate Remus jumping in, defending him, either. But something held his tongue. He just scowled at the rarely agitated werewolf.

"Everybody, please calm down. There will be no more accusations here." Dumbledore eyed each body in the room, pausing over Moody, who grumbled something and sat back down. Remus folded his hands on the table, looking agitated and tired. Snape still said nothing.

"Dumbledore, let's say we adjourn for today. It seems we're not being very productive at the moment," Arthur quipped lightly.

Dumbledore sighed, but nodded. "Yes, I agree. We'll meet again, two nights from today." The sound of scraping chairs could be heard as everyone suddenly stood and exited the room. Snape purposely waited, hoping to get a word out to the interfering Lupin, but surprisingly, Remus was one of the first to leave. Scowling, Snape stood as well, nodded to Dumbledore, then left for his lab.

An hour later, the house was deathly quiet. Snape exited his lab and went to the library for a rest. He wanted a peaceful evening just relaxing and reading. Unfortunately, Remus was in the library. There went his plans...

He couldn't turn around and leave, as that would look cowardly. Instead, he boldly stalked inside, going straight to the corner to his favorite chair. His book lay resting on the nearby table, where he had left it last. Settling in, he opened it to the marked page, and began to read.

The atmosphere prickled with tension. Snape crossed and uncrossed his legs, fidgeting uncharacteristically. He was inexplicably agitated and he knew his malice was directed at Lupin, sitting there, reading obliviously. He loudly slammed his book, clenching it tightly as he stood.

His plan was to stalk past Remus, out the library and upstairs to his room. But he found himself towering over the wolf, hands on either side of the table that Remus was reading over. Lupin looked up in mild surprise.

"Next time you decide to needlessly defend me to that beast of a man, or to anyone for that matter, you may remember that not only is it unnecessary, it is also unappreciated." Remus looked up at him indifferently.

Severus took a step back, sneering at the other man, then walked out of the room. He was only slightly surprised to find that he was being followed.

"Why, Severus? Why must you be so difficult? If Albus defends you, it's fine, but if I do it...Why me? What have I done to you?"

Snape whirled around, eyes narrowed. "You've done plenty, Lupin."

Remus's features softened slightly. Jokingly, he acknowledged, "I see you still haven't forgiven me for the Shrieking Shack." His smile was teasing, and Snape was not pleased.

"I will never forgive you for the Shrieking Shack," he spat. Surprisingly, Remus wasn't taken aback. He merely nodded, an understanding though sad smile playing on his face. Snape wanted to hex him, or punch him. Instead he turned around and started upstairs, only to halt mid-step.

Abruptly, his hand went to his forearm, squeezing tight. He bit his lip as the waves of excruciating pain rolled up from his arm through his entire body.

Damn! No, not now...

"Severus?" He didn't turn around to acknowledge Lupin. Instead, with ground teeth, he managed, "Lupin, go to my lab immediately. There is-" he hissed- "a blue unlabeled vial in the upper left most cabinet. Retrieve it for me and...meet me by the front door."

He said no more but ran upstairs to his bedroom, quickly locating his robe and mask. The pain was excruciating and he humorlessly realized Voldemort must be pleased about something. Or extremely angry. There really was no happy medium with him.

He managed to get back downstairs without tripping or collapsing. He found Remus there, looking extremely nervous, the familiar vial in his hands.

He held his hand out and Remus passed it to him. Pocketing it, he told Remus to contact Dumbledore. Something flickered on the wolf's face when he pointedly told him _not_ to wait up for him. He walked down the stoop and immediately apparated.

Remus had no intention of going to bed. He closed the door with a heavy sigh and went to the kitchen to occupy himself.

Snape arrived around midnight. Early, thought Remus, for a meeting to end. As soon as he saw Snape, he realized why. Snape once more staggered inside the house, but this time, his face, and, Remus assumed, his entire body, was covered in purple and black bruising, with a few scars mixed in for good measure.

He was instantly at Snape's side, tugging on his robes. Snape's voice was hoarse when he spoke. "Don't...Ge- off." He staggered into the parlor, with Remus's help, and immediately collapsed on the rug.

Lupin looked around frantically. He was no medic and while he did know something about potions, he didn't want to leave Snape to go to the lab. Plus, it would take ages to find what he was looking for, and at the moment, he didn't recognize the symptoms Snape was exhibiting to find an adequate potion.

"Severus, I'm going to call Poppy. I...don't know what to do..."

"No! Not her, she...won't be able-" He started coughing mid-sentence and Lupin was horrified to see blood.

"My god, Severus. What did he do to you?"

Severus coughed again, doubling over. Blood trickled down his lip.

"Potion...I need..."

"Yes, tell me. I'll find it." Remus was panicked at the sight of Snape. He wasn't used to seeing the man so uncontrolled. His eyes grew wide as he saw a black wet spot on the front of Snape's robes.

"Oh god...Severus, you're bleeding. We need to get these off."

"No...Don't touch-"

"Alright, damn it! Just tell me where the potion is."

"Bedroom. Wooden box, under bed...

Remus bolted out the room, practically flying upstairs. The wards were thankfully off at Snape's door. He must have really been in a hurry, thought Remus.

He opened the door, immediately dropping to his knees next to the bed. He bent down, slinking his arm underneath the frame. He felt something solid. Grabbing it quickly, he found himself holding a small, glossy wooden box. He tried to open it but it was magically sealed.

"Damn!"

He ran back downstairs, shoving the box in Snape's face.

"What is the password?" he asked frantically.

He could have sworn he saw Snape smirk as he whispered 'Alohamora.' The lid of the box opened easily. Remus blinked but immediately reached in, pulling out two bottles. One was a clear liquid, the other, something goopy and unpleasant smelling.

Snape reached for the liquid potion. With trembling hands he brought the vial to his bloody lips, letting the liquid course down his throat. An immediate coughing fit followed.

"Is that it?" asked Remus, incredulous. He looked Snape over, his worry not dissipating in the least. "What about this?" He held up the other, larger bottle.

"Lotion...For heavy bruising. Administer it...later."

"No! Absolutely not. I'm not going to allow you to bleed to death because of your stubbornness."

"Lupin...Fuck. Off."

For a minute, Remus stilled, eyes wide. Then, he got to his feet and took out his wand, pointing it at Snape. A flicker of doubt passed over Snape's face, and before he got the chance to yell, Remus had spelled Snape's robes away. What used to be a starch white shirt underneath was blood red and torn. Remus swallowed and flicked his wand, removing the shirt as well.

Snape released a hiss of pain, glaring at Remus with contempt.

"Don't even think it, Lupin, I swear I'll murder you..." Remus lowered his wand.

"What did that potion do? The one I brought you before you left?"

Snape didn't answer; he tried to sit up, but was only able to lean on one elbow.

"You took it, didn't you? He made you...God, Severus." He got to his knees once more, grabbing the lotion bottle. There was too much blood on Snape's chest and neck. The bleeding appeared to have stopped, but the cuts and massive bruising were everywhere.

"Kreacher!" he bellowed. Immediately, the ugly ancient house elf popped into existence next to Remus, cringing with disgust.

"Master has called Kreacher? Wolf needs something from Kreacher? Half-blood scum fouling the great house of Black!" he screamed, pointing at Snape. Remus frowned, half-turning to Snape, then back to Kreacher.

"Kreacher, bring a pitcher of lukewarm water immediately, and some towels, and a bowl."

"Kreacher will do what the wolf wishes, he-"

"NOW, Kreacher!" The elf disappeared and Remus turned a questioning eye on Severus.

"You're a half-blood?" He was shocked; he'd always suspected that Snape was as pure as any of the other Slytherins.

Snape withered him with a narrow glare.

"Wolf, don't you dare question me."

Kreacher appeared then, with all that Remus asked for.

"Get out," said Remus, not even looking at the elf. Kreacher gladly left, murmuring along the way.

Remus sighed, looking back at Snape, who was avoiding eye contact. His face was void of all expression.

Remus poured the pitcher into the large bowl, and dunked the cloth in. He rolled up his sleeves and grabbed the soaked cloth, wringing it out. He moved to place it on Snape's chest, but his forearm was forcibly grabbed.

"Don't." The eyes weren't pleading, but fiercely menacing. Remus sighed.

"You would do the same for me, and you know it." He had no doubt in his mind that Severus would assist him if anything of the sort ever happened with him. He already proved it with the Wolfsbane. Snape may not like him, or even respect him, but he wasn't stupid either. Remus glared down at Snape before he relented, releasing his arm.

Snape squeezed his eyes tight, whether in embarrassment or pain, Remus wasn't sure. Remus washed away the dried up and fresh blood, cleaning the cuts. Most would leave scars, but were not deep enough to require stitching. The bowl was soon a crimson red and still Remus gently brushed the cloth over Snape's damaged skin.

Snape, to his credit, never made a sound, nor did he ever look at Remus. The bruising was worrying Remus more than the cuts, but he trusted Snape's judgment in potions. He mentally cursed Voldemort as he cleaned cut after cut, then began administrating the lotion ever so gently. His eyes brushed over the swollen looking snake on Snape's forearm. He swallowed, looking away.

"Sit up, please, and turn around." He kept his voice low, so as not to startle Snape, who looked to be asleep. Surprisingly, Snape did as he was told, without even a backwards glance at Remus.

He stiffly sat up, unaided and turned his back to Remus. He leaned forward, placing his forearms on his bended knees. Remus took in the heavy dark bruising on his back, the matted blood, and briefly closed his eyes.

He looked down at the dark water and with his wand, cleared it away. The pitcher had more water so he poured the rest, and resumed his ministrations. He carefully moved Snape's ebony hair off his neck, cleaning there as well. More healing lotion was put on, his fingers slightly greasy from the strange goop.

Finally finished, he leaned back, his knees hurting from all the tension. He coughed slightly.

"Severus, I've finished with your upper body. But, if you'll let me..."

Snape slowly turned his head and body, and glared at Remus. Wordlessly, he snatched the bottle of ointment from Remus's hand and got to his feet, quicker than was probably safe, as both wizards cringed simultaneously at the pain that flickered on Snape's face.

Without a word, Snape walked out of the room and upstairs. Remus sat there for a minute, eyes shut. Then, he cleaned up the mess of clothing, carefully folding Snape's death eater robe. The rest he threw out for they were beyond repair, and finally went to bed.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Pairing: SS/RL

Warning(s): This chapter is rated MA or NC-17, whatever you want to call it. I must also state that there is some dubious consent in this chapter, and some may consider it to to be non-con. Though it is not my intention(you will realise after reading) but I wanted to have this disclaimer before anyone proceeded. You have been warned.

Author's notes: Sorry this took a few days to get up, I had like no time for proof-reading. A big thank you once again for all those who reviewed this fic-it really made my week! For warnings, summary and disclaimer, see chapter 1.

* * *

Severus didn't come to breakfast the next morning. Remus tried not to be concerned, that is, until he was also absent from lunch and dinner. Dumbledore had not paid a visit either and Remus assumed that Snape either didn't let on how serious his injuries were, or that he never even told him.

That night, he passed by Snape's door, wanting to knock. However, he really didn't think Snape would appreciate his inquiry, as usual.

The morning after that, still no Snape. By lunch, Remus was beyond uneasy. He went upstairs and boldly knocked on Snape's door. Predictably, there was no answer.

"Severus? Severus? Open the door. I just want to make sure everything is all right. You didn't eat a thing yesterday, or today."

All was silent. Remus's heartbeat started to escalate. He bit his lip.

"Severus, open the door!" He put his ear to the door. Nothing. A silence charm perhaps. He put his hand on the knob, only to be violently shocked.

He stared wide-eyed at the innocent looking doorknob. Cursing Snape, he went back downstairs. The Order would be here in a couple of hours, and he wanted to straighten up.

At five, Snape still had not come downstairs. Remus's lips were raw from the constant gnawing. A knock sounded and Molly and Arthur came in, all smiles.

"Remus, dear! How are you?" They must have noticed something on his face, for their features immediately changed into concern.

"Remus, what's happened?"

"Nothing, it's nothing. Just Severus." A look of understanding passed Arthur's face, but Molly looked even more troubled.

"What's happened, has he been summoned again?" She looked genuinely concerned and Remus looked down, nodding slowly.

More sounds were heard as the Order Members soon filed in. Everyone appeared jovial and cheery. Remus couldn't help but glance up the stairs every five minutes.

Lastly, Dumbledore arrived, looking slightly more cheerful than at their last meeting. He spotted Remus with Molly and Arthur. Approaching, he caught sight of Remus's face, which matched that of Molly and Arthur.

"Remus, may I speak with you for a moment?"

Remus nodded, and they left the parlor, standing by themselves in the empty foyer.

"Remus, what has happened?"

"Albus, are you aware of what happened with Severus two nights ago?"

Dumbledore looked calculating, then apprehensive. "He did send an owl. I received it sometime after four in the morning. Remus?"

"So you didn't actually see him?"

"He told me there was no need. He would explain everything at the meeting..." He trailed off. "Something happened." It wasn't a question, but Remus nodded anyway.

"How bad was it?" he whispered.

"Albus, I thought he was going to die on that rug", he madly pointed towards the parlor. "I've never seen anything so bludgered. And of course he refused aid. I had to practically force him to agree to help him."

Dumbledore looked thoughtful as he sighed. "You know how Severus is, how he's always been."

"He's going to get himself killed, Albus."

"And that would concern you, why?" Both heads turned to see Severus descending the giant staircase. Remus looked away, while Dumbledore walked closer to the approaching figure.

"Severus, is it true?"

Snape glared past Dumbledore at Remus. "Did he come to you to boast?" he spat. "...The same as Black." He brusquely marched past Dumbledore, but was restrained suddenly by Remus. His iron fist clenched around Snape's upper arm, eliciting a painful hiss.

"Don't you dare mention his name to me again, Severus. He would have left you to rot that night. If you can't see the difference between us, then you're blinder than I thought." He roughly released Snape's arm, throwing him a disgusted look, before walking away.

Snape sneered at his retreating form, clutching his enflamed arm.

"Are you alright, Severus?" Dumbledore's soft voice broke through Snape's thoughts. He turned wide eyes to the waiting Headmaster. Instead of answering, he turned on his heels and went to the dining room.

The Order was already assembled. All but one chair was already occupied. Severus assumed Dumbledore would be sitting there so he strode to the far corner of the room. He would have preferred to sit, his joints and bruised muscles still bothering him, but he'd be damned if he asked someone for their seat. He leaned against the wall instead, trying to drown himself in the shadows.

Dumbledore walked in a moment later and the assembled party hushed immediately. "Welcome all, once again. I have a few important matters to discuss with you all, and then I will turn it over to Severus, who was once again summoned two nights ago."

Snape watched Dumbledore speak, but once more, his mind wandered to other matters. His eyes found those of Remus's and he stared coldly before hearing his name being called. He approached the table, arms crossed.

Molly immediately let out a loud gasp. "Heavens, what happened to you, Severus?" Others began inspecting the annoyed potions master. Wide-eyed looks and whispers followed. Snape ignored them all.

"As Albus has already mentioned, I was summoned two nights ago to Malfoy Manor. It also appeared that I was the only one. The Dark Lord wanted to see me exclusively." He could practically see Moody salivating.

"About two months ago, he asked me to brew him a specific potion. One that you cannot find in any book. I was to invent it, which I have. The purpose of the potion is to cause extreme pain to the victim. Bruises as well as minor gashes will appear on the skin, predictably from head to toe, not powerful enough to kill-at least, not at first. It can be taken in doses. A drop at first will produce mildly uncomfortable bruising, and so forth."

He could see the wheels turning in each of their mindless brains. He could see Molly placing a hand to cover her shocked mouth. He sneered.

"The Dark Lord's intent is to use it on his captured victims, to exude information, and then eventually kill them. I was _fortunate_ enough to be the first testee, if you will. I assure you, the potion works. He was...most pleased. I am required to brew more by the month's end.

There is an antidote, of course. I had expected this from the onset, so, naturally, I brewed the antidote almost immediately. I tested both myself. I took one drop of the bruising potion, waited, then one drop of the antidote. They both worked as expected."

"And how many drops did he make you take, Snape?" All eyes turned to Moody, looks of disgust passing over some of their faces.

"That is irrelevant, Moody. I assure you, it was more than one."

"Not good enough, Snape. If you brewed this heinous potion, we need to prepare ourselves for the fact that any one of us could be captured and tortured by your _masterful_ work. So, I think it's only fair we get a concise answer."

Snape said nothing, just raised a brow.

Moody gestured to Dumbledore. "Albus?"

Dumbledore turned to Snape. "Severus, perhaps a more concise answer would be welcome? I am curious myself." Snape stood very still, clearly annoyed with Dumbledore backing Moody. He turned back to the waiting crowd.

He cleared his throat. "I remembered about...seven." Horrified gasps filled the room, grating on Snape's nerves.

"You don't look so bad Snape..." Snape turned to Moody with a leer. "I shall take that as a compliment then, Moody." A couple of snickers could be heard from the crowd. Snape just raised his brows as Moody sputtered and turned red. Even Dumbledore was smiling.

"And what of the recovery, Severus? Your glamour is only useful for so long." Remus pointedly looked at Snape, ignoring the others. Snape's glare could have melted ice.

"I assure you, I have no idea what you are talking about, Lupin, but obviously, the recovery has been as expected. Or are you going to tell me now how to brew a potion?"

"Dinner!" Molly chimed. "Dumbledore, I think we're done here."

Snape immediately pushed past people, exiting the room. He silently cursed as he strode upstairs, obliterating his wards and slamming his door shut.

He was going to murder Lupin. Snape had no idea what the wolf was playing at, but he was going to regret ever crossing Severus Snape.

He took off his wizarding robes and donned a pair of comfortable black slacks, wincing slightly as the cloth rubbed at the bruised flesh. He put on a white cotton collared shirt and black boots and located some muggle money in his night table.

He left his room, replacing every ward. He could hear the sounds of laughter coming from the dining room. He ignored it as he went to the front door, jerking it open, then slamming it shut. He apparated to the closest pub he could remember. After that, he got drunk.

***

"He's impossible, Albus," Remus said after dinner. He was able to kick everyone out, including Tonks who was still not getting his subtle hints. Only Dumbledore remained.

"Were you expecting anything less, Remus? This _is_ Severus we're talking about." He chuckled softly.

"It's not funny, Albus. He's entirely ungrateful."

"Remus, what do you expect? I imagine that his burden is greater than all of ours. Even my own." He sighed. "He was never a particularly pleasant individual, but he is strong-willed."

Something sprung up in Remus's mind. "Albus, is it true that Snape's a half-blood?"

Dumbledore looked up questioningly.

"Kreacher sort of mentioned it."

"Ah," said Dumbledore. "Severus's childhood was not a pleasant one. His mother was a witch- powerful, but never strong. Her husband was a drunkard muggle. Not particularly fond of his son. Or magic. To this day, I'm not sure how Severus survived Hogwarts. Especially when the abuse didn't come just from home." He gave Remus a pointed look.

Remus blushed, averting his eyes. "James and Sirius..."

"Odd how I never saw you in detention. It was always just the two of them."

"Yes, well...I assure you, I took no pleasure in tormenting anybody. Especially with my condition." He sighed. "But I didn't exactly stop it either. I should have...maybe then, Severus wouldn't have joined _them_."

"That is dark thinking, Remus. I have always believed that events are predetermined. Oh, I'm not talking about divination, though we certainly know there is some merit in that. I'm talking about fate.

It was Severus's fate to join Voldemort, just as it was Harry's fate to live even as his parent's fate was sealed long ago. Now events have come together, past and present, and, though the future is uncertain, I am confident that Severus and Harry will be a part of it."

Remus found himself nodding. "And where do I fit in, in this future of yours?" He was only half-joking. The future for him looked bleak and dark.

"You are Harry's only family now, Remus. The last marauder. You will help him, as you have always done. And...I want to thank you for helping Severus. He would never admit it, but I know he is grateful for your presence that night. Do not take what he says to heart."

Remus scoffed. "I'll try not to. I should be used to it." He smiled in memory. Dumbledore left soon after, leaving Remus alone in the giant house with no one to converse with or to bicker with. He found himself silently missing that.

***

Severus returned that night, not nearly as drunk as he would have liked to be. For one, his memory was still intact. The only thing stopping him from becoming completely pissed was the fact that he could be summoned at any second, and he would need to be somewhat sober to occlude effectively. So with a sigh, he stepped into Grimmauld Place, his mood only slightly improved from earlier.

Unfortunately, he met a surprised Remus on the second floor landing. Glaring, he didn't spare the man a second look before walking down the hall.

"Severus, wait."

"Don't bother, Lupin." His voice held none of the scorn that he meant it to have. He was too weary to try.

"I want to apologize for earlier. I spoke out of place. I'm sorry...Severus?"

Snape sighed heavily, finally turning around.

"What do you want, Lupin? An acknowledgement? Fine. Your apology is noted. Goodbye."

"Severus."

Snape whirled on Lupin, anger flashing in his eyes. "What do you want from me, Lupin? Are you that despondent that you would wish for my company? Do you want to be _friends_?" he spat. "I have no interest, I assure you." He turned back around.

"Do you really know what I want, Severus?"

Snape stopped, cursing his curiosity. Turning back with an annoyed glare, he indicated for Remus to continue.

Remus stalked up to where Snape stood, his hands on his hips.

"I want you to shut up, Severus. Just shut up."

Snape's hands fell off his waist, his eyes going wide. "I beg your pardon?" he asked, his voice going cold.

Remus looked at Snape with bright hazel eyes. Snape thought he looked mildly crazed.

"What-"

"Shut. Up." Appalled and exhausted beyond measure, Severus whipped out his wand, pointing it straight at Remus's chest. "I suggest you rephrase that, Lupin."

With incredible speed, Remus pinned Severus against the corridor wall. Severus never even got the chance to respond, his wand clattering to the floor beneath him.

"I told you to be quiet, Severus. For once, you will listen to me."

Snape attempted to sneer, but he silently admitted to being slightly doubtful of Lupin's intentions. "What do you want?" he repeated, in a whispered tone.

"Just this."

He pressed his lips to Severus's, entirely aware of the man going completely still underneath him.

Severus tasted of whiskey and a mixture of different potion ingredients. Remus's lycanthropic senses overtook his mind, grappling to retain the taste and feel of the immobilized potions master. It should have felt wrong, shameful even. Instead, Remus couldn't remember anything feeling so incredibly right.

Severus spent his life preparing for any type of disaster. He had come to anticipate how certain events would turn out. He could tell when Voldemort was intensely pleased about something, and when he was disappointed. He knew precisely on which nights he would be cursed, and how many times. He knew when to nod, when to agree, and when to beg and plead. Anticipation and paranoia were second nature to Severus. He prided himself with the knowledge.

However, nothing in Severus's past or present could have prepared him for Remus. Shock and indecision were rare occurrences, yet here he was, shocked into uncertainty. Unable to form a coherent, rational thought. For honestly, there could be nothing rational, whatsoever, in having Remus Lupin, a werewolf, kissing him soundly in the middle of Grimmauld Place.

Remus pulled back, slightly worried about Severus's lack of response. He truly was expecting to be hexed, probably even cursed. It would have even been worth it. But, there was nothing forthcoming from the stoic figure.

"Severus," he whispered. "Say something. Do something."

Severus blinked, his mouth attempting to form words. Then: "Have you lost your mind, Lupin?" It was hissed in an almost dangerous tone that did nothing to deflate Remus's mood.

"God, I've wanted to do that since six year..."

Severus's eyes widened at the admission. Finally, realizing precisely where he was and what just happened, he roughly grabbed Remus's shoulders, pushing him backwards. Without a word, Severus _accioed_ his wand to him, immediately pointing it at Remus. His eyes were dark, narrowed slits.

"I don't know what you're playing at, but I assure you, if you even think of approaching me again, in any manner, I _will_ curse you."

"Severus, it's not like that. I meant it. All of it."

Severus sneered at the werewolf, his wand never wavering. "Do you take me for a fool! How could you even think I- I would want..." he sputtered, unable to finish his response. Instead, unusually flustered, he spun on his heel and briskly walked back downstairs. He would have gone to his room, but Remus was still in the hall and he didn't want the man to hear his passwords.

He stumbled into the kitchen, closing and locking the door tight. He braced his palms on the counter top, watching as his bony knuckles grew whiter and whiter. He snarled at his own momentary weakness upstairs. Appalled and furious at himself and, mostly at the wolf, he silently decided that he would not let the insult lie unanswered.

He had no plan of action, but to make the wolf pay for insinuating _anything_ about Severus. He harshly unlocked the kitchen door, swinging it so hard it slammed against the wall with a loud thud. He took the stairs two at a time, wand clenched tight. Walking down the hall to Lupin's door, he stood in front of it, and without a second thought he brought his fist up to the old oak and banged on it as loud as he could.

The door opened immediately, revealing a frowning Lupin.

"Severus?" He looked questioningly at the potions master, his eyes never even wavering to the wand, aimed and ready.

Severus said nothing. He stood completely stiff, and took in the disheveled, slightly flushed werewolf. His sandy hair, flecked for years with silver, his collection of tiny scars marring his entire face, only really visible in bright light.

He saw his ill-fitted clothing, the shabby cardigan that had no use for the oppressive heat of the summer, never mind the fact that Severus himself never dressed in anything less than four layers of clothing. He saw Remus quirk his lip. Severus's eyes narrowed as he remembered why he was in this position in the first place.

He pushed his way into the room, slamming the door shut. Without even a pause, he had two fistfuls of Remus's cardigan pushed up against him, their lips mere inches apart. He spared a look at the werewolf's unnaturally feral eyes. Dilated pupils was all he saw, slightly speckled with gold. He could feel the other man's breath on his own lips.

Mind going blank, he closed the remaining distance between them, crushing his lips to Remus's. The werewolf issued a soft sound, which Severus ignored as he attacked and brutalized the yielding lips. He felt Remus's hands tighten on his back, even as his own clutched tight to the clothing. He thought he heard a rip sound. He pulled back, snarling.

"You think you can make a fool of me? I swear it, Lupin, you are going to regret ever approaching me," he growled, biting hard on the other man's neck. Remus answered with a low moan.

Severus backed the other man up until they were flush with the bed. With ink-stained fingers, Severus roughly pushed Remus to the bed, pouncing on the startled man. He sat on the other man's lap, his hands pinning Remus's to the soft bed. Severus's dark hair fell over his face like a curtain as he lowered his face to Remus's.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew with certainty that Remus was actually physically stronger than Severus and could, at any time, stop any of this. However, looking down and seeing Remus's slightly smug face staring up at him, Severus realized that the werewolf was actually enjoying this. Somehow this infuriated Severus even more.

He tightened his grip on Remus's wrists and, with a wandless spell they were suddenly divested of all their clothing. Remus's eyes flashed at the display of power. Snape just smirked.

Severus held in a moan as his prick brushed against Remus's own. Barely sparing a glance at the other man's body, he got to his knees, still straddling the other man, and flipped the werewolf onto his stomach using whatever strength he had remaining, considering the slightly inebriated state he was still in.

His eyes wavered slightly to the other man's back. Scars, some prominent, criss-crossed the entirety of Remus's back, down to his arse. Even the backs of his legs were not spared. Something flitted through Severus's mind and he swallowed hard, pushing whatever it was aside. He leaned forward and nipped none-too-gently on Remus's shoulder, eliciting a delighted, but pained hiss.

Severus hissed into Remus's ear: "Do not delude yourself into thinking that this will turn into more than a quick fuck. I assure you, there is nothing you have that I would want," he finished in a soft, harsh voice.

Underneath him, Remus sighed, his voice rough. "We shall see who is the deluded one."

Severus narrowed his eyes, though the werewolf could not see. _Accioing_ his wand, which he had foolishly dropped earlier, he held it tight, pointing it at Remus.

A soft, surprised sigh escaped Remus as he recognized the familiar and popular lubricating spell. His fingers dug deep into the coverlet. Severus unfortunately had nothing for himself, nor was he going to ask Lupin if he had any lubricant lying around his room. He roughly spat into his palm, rubbing his saliva over his ready prick. It was not his favored method of lubrication but he would have to make due.

He positioned himself quickly, and with hands that he swore were not in any way shaking, entered Remus with one thrust. He bit his lip hard enough to bleed even as he heard Remus hiss in pain underneath him. The werewolf completely stilled, his fingers bone white around the coverlet. A thin sheen of sweat had settled on Remus's back, Severus noticed.

The lubricant had been a big help, but Severus knew, that without proper preparation, he had most likely hurt Remus. Trying not to dwell on the thought too much, he found himself sheathed completely inside Remus, his breathing coming out in slow gasps.

He stilled, one hand on Remus's hip, the other, clenched tight to his shoulder. He needed to move, but the nagging guilt-ridden thought in his mind stopped him from plummeting the werewolf into oblivion.

"Lupin."

Remus acknowledged the unasked question with a brisk nod. That was all Severus needed. He pulled back and slammed into the body twice as hard. Simultaneous gasps filled the room. Sweat liberally dripped off of Severus's face, onto Remus's back, uncaring.

Remus responded with feral growls of pleasure, clenching around Severus. Severus winced and came, his grip so hard, it would cause bruising on Remus's hip. Severus thought idly that it would be only one more scar on the wolf's body. He was unconcerned.

Allowing only a brief moment to calm his breathing, he withdrew from Remus's boneless body, immediately picking up his wand to clean the mess. Wincing as he straightened back up, he was inexplicably relieved to see no blood on Remus.

Snatching his clothing from off the floor, he sneered down at Remus who was looking up at him with a sated, amused expression. Donning his trousers, he happened to notice that Remus had clearly not found release in their coupling, as his prick was indicating. He scoffed, raising a delicate brow.

Not bothering with his shirt or overcoat, he glared down at a silent Remus.

"Remember Lupin, you asked for this."

He walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Inside the safety and calm of his own bedroom, he finally released the choked up breath he had been holding in this entire time. He sat on the bed and ran his trembling fingers through his slick hair. Silently cursing, he got up and went to take a scalding shower.

***

Remus had spent the remainder of the night wide-awake. He had tried reading, had tried writing to Harry, had even tried to play a game of wizard's chess, by himself. Nothing worked. No matter how he tried to occupy his mind, it always found a way of reminding him of earlier.

The encounter was everything he had ever imagined, and more so if he were being honest with himself. His body reminded him of the fact every time he sat down. The pain, he could live with. He had felt worse.

His past monthly lycanthropic episodes always ended with more scars than he had the previous night. Not remembering was the worst. At least now, he had the Wolfsbane potion, which made things much easier, more pain-free. And whatever Severus did to modify the potion only made Remus appreciate it that much more.

No, it wasn't the pain that was bothering him, nor the manner in which Severus decided to assault him with. He had almost expected that. He had fantasized about it for years. It was all he could imagine really, for he knew Snape was certainly not a gentle person.

What was bothering him at the moment, and from the very instant that Severus left his room was, that he craved more of it. It was all he could think of. His heart did summersaults every time he remembered Snape's blissful grip on his hips, bruising him, marking him. Almost...wolf-like. He smiled at that.

But then he remembered Severus's obvious look of disgust afterwards. Could the man be that cruel as to sleep with a man, and then throw him away as if it were the daily rubbish?

He knew Severus was not the nicest man, or the most caring, but he had remembered his name spoken so gently earlier, as if in question. No, Severus would not have hurt him so. Angry and bitter though he may be, he was certainly not a fool.

As soon as Severus had left his room, Remus had been quick to finish himself off. It was not ideal, but he couldn't remember ever feeling so feverishly horny. Surely years. Again, he was not surprised that Severus didn't care what state he had left Remus in. His job was done. That was all that mattered. Humiliate the werewolf, leave, never to return or even mention it. But Remus could not forget. The potion master's parting words still rang in his head.

_"Remember, you asked for this." _

It was true. He had approached Severus first, no question. He wondered how Severus would act around him now. Knowing him, it would be with usual indifference and disregard. The norm. It was so easy for him- he was a damned spy and could hide all emotion without a thought. But Remus couldn't. He could try. Certainly, none of his friends at school had ever guessed he had once fancied Severus.

Of course he never dared approach him. He was as much of a git back then as he is now. Still, he had silently watched him from across the great hall, or the potions classroom, or anywhere else they happened to be in the same vicinity. But he never spoke a word. And Severus never guessed. He didn't know whether to be pleased or disappointed.

He sighed for the umpteenth time that night. It was well past two in the morning and sleep continued to elude him. He closed the book he was trying to read for the past hour and went to the kitchens to search out a snack.

He made some hot cocoa for himself and took it up to his room. By four in the morning, he was finally sound asleep, though by seven, his inner clock was prepared to start a brand new day. Glancing at the clock menacingly, he tried with all his might to fall back asleep, but to no avail. By Seven fifteen, he was on his way down to the kitchen.

He was pouring himself a cup of coffee when Severus walked into the kitchen. He slowly looked up from his place at the counter at the man standing by the door.

"Severus." He nodded once.

"Lupin." A sneer. "I shall be away for most of the morning, in case Dumbledore is looking for me." He left immediately after.

Remus smiled into his coffee. Severus had looked as tired as he did. For some reason, the thought gave him immense pleasure. He sipped his coffee, humming a happy tune.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Pairing: SS/RL

Author's notes: Thank you all for being so patient! Reviews make me happy, so thank you for those as well. For warnings, summary and disclaimer, see chapter 1.

* * *

Normalcy returned, or what could be called normalcy. Severus continued to ignore Remus, and Remus gave polite greetings at the start and end of every day.

Meetings continued as usual, though Remus was secretly glad that Severus had not been summoned again. Mostly, he kept to his lab in the basement. Somehow, Remus knew he was brewing more of that awful bruising potion. The thought sickened him. What sickened him even more was that Severus had no choice in the matter.

"Do you mind, Lupin, or are you going to hog the entire coffee pot?"

Remus started as a potion-stained hand reached past him to grab the hot coffee pot. He stepped back slightly.

"Oh, sorry, Severus."

Snape predictably sneered. "You do remember that Albus is coming this morning?"

Remus nodded, vaguely remembering. That was the most Severus had said to him in a fortnight, and he wanted to relish the moment.

Almost as if on cue though, Dumbledore entered the kitchen, smiling brightly.

"Good morning, Severus, Remus!"

Severus ignored him in favor of his coffee. "Good morning, Albus," Remus said. "Would you like some?" he asked indicating to his mug.

"Yes, thank you." After the three were settled at the table, Dumbledore put down his mug and looked at the two younger men with a thoughtful smile.

"How are you both? I realize I have not been here in a few days. Hogwarts matters and such."

"Albus, I have no time for this. Kindly say what you came to say so I may get back to my lab."

Severus was clearly in an agitated mood, thought Remus. He idly wondered how he could relieve the man's tension, before he found himself blushing. He also did not fail to notice the other man carefully watching him with a raised brow.

"Forgive the timing, Severus, but this concerns both of you." He turned to Remus.

"Remus, I have been informed that more werewolf packs are being beckoned by Voldemort. I think it's time you intervened. Greyback has been busy, I'm afraid to say. More reports are coming in of young men and even a few women, being bit. He is starting a new army for Voldemort, we fear."

Remus shook his head in disgust. "I will do what I can."

"Be cautious, Remus. Greyback will most certainly not remember you, but he has absolutely no qualm about hurting even one of his own kind."

"I will be careful, Albus. I'm glad to be of use." Again, he noticed Severus watching him, this time with an unreadable expression.

"Severus, the Order, as you know is becoming more and more agitated."

"Albus," Severus intervened, "I do not have anything more to give. I can't rip it out of His mind." He placed his elbows on the table, folding his hands slightly.

"I am aware of the fact, Severus. Nor would I encourage you to do so. Though powerful your mind may be, Voldemort will instantly know." No, that isn't precisely what I was thinking." He sighed before continuing. "I am speaking about Malfoy."

Severus looked incredulous. "Malfoy?"

"Yes, Severus. Lucius may be our key. Many meetings are held at the Manor. Surely, Lucius may know something, anything that perhaps wasn't divulged at meetings, or to you."

Severus briefly shut his eyes. "You do not believe me to be in His confidence."

Remus frowned. Severus seemed almost...disappointed by the thought.

"I imagine you are, Severus. He trusts you, of that I am certain. I only meant that Malfoy may have some information that you do not. Any little bit would help."

Severus nodded slowly in understanding. "I shall write to him then. Maybe I can get myself invited to dinner," he added sarcastically.

"Albus, is that wise?" asked Remus. "Why go there? What if Voldemort just happens to be there? Why walk right into potential danger?"

"Your concern in noted, Remus. However, it is really up to Severus. Only he would know if the timing is right." Two sets of eyes looked to the potions master.

He ignored them both, in favor of scrutinizing his stained fingernails. He appeared to think it over, when in reality, he knew he had no choice in the matter. Surely even Remus knew that this wasn't a request?

"There is no need for maudlin exaggerations, Lupin. It is only Malfoy." He turned to Dumbledore. "I will write to him immediately."

"Thank you, Severus." He looked at Remus. "I will await your report, whenever you make contact." Be careful, both of you. He left them soon after.

Severus glared at Remus, who refused to meet his eyes. It was actually Remus that made the first move. He suddenly stood and stalked out of the room, leaving Severus alone at the table.

Taking his time finishing his coffee, he carefully placed his mug into the sink and casually walked upstairs. He first went to his own room, and after penning a quick but indifferent sounding letter to Malfoy, he sent it out with Remus's owl.

He then went to his lab where he retrieved a potion-filled vial. Carefully handling it, he made his way back up to the second floor and in front of Remus's bedroom door. Swallowing down his uncertainty, he softly knocked.

He heard a muffled 'come in', and, rolling his eyes at Remus's lack of safety precautions, opened the door. He found Remus packing a small bag. He watched until Remus acknowledged him. Looking up with a frown, Remus took in Severus's obscure appearance, then noticed the vial he was holding.

Immediately his eyes went to a nearby wall calendar. He loudly sighed.

"I don't think that will be necessary this month, Severus. It would be pointless to use it in front of them."

Severus pursed his lips as he approached. "It won't keep. You know this. I do hope you aren't telling me my time brewing this was wasted?"

Remus looked deathly tired as he gave Severus an almost aggravated look.

"I'm sorry, Severus. I didn't know it would be so soon. I wasn't expecting to leave so quickly." He turned back to his pack. It looked pathetically shabby, thought Severus. He walked briskly around and in front of Remus.

"Take it anyway. They won't know."

"Why do you care anyway?"

Severus looked slightly affronted, then masked his features.

"I don't." He threw the corked vial onto the soft bed and turned to leave. At the doorway, he paused, looking back slightly.

"I have no wish to explain to Albus why you did not take your potion this month." He left the room, softly closing the door behind him.

Remus paused, sighing. He stared at the vial on the bed. Something nagged at his mind, something Severus said. For some reason, he didn't think Albus was the true reason Severus came to him tonight. For the briefest of seconds, Remus could have sworn he saw something akin to concern in Severus's eyes. Or it could have just been wishful thinking.

Either way, he grabbed the vial and carefully placed it in his pack, fully intending to use it tomorrow. He had been so preoccupied with so many things, he had nearly forgotten all about the full moon. Severus, had not. God forbid he be left under the same roof with a werewolf without Wolfsbane.

He hated that Severus still held that grudge against him. True, Hogwarts wasn't the most pleasant time, for either of them really. But he really had no control over the Shrieking Shack incident. They both knew it. He guessed some wounds just never heal.

Done packing, he went to find Severus. Truthfully, he was happy to have an occupation finally. He was morosely starting to realize what Sirius must have felt while cooped up in this depressing place. It was like a tomb. No matter what you did to occupy your time, it was still like being permanently stuck in claustrophobic hell.

He knocked on Severus's bedroom door. It swung open almost immediately.

"Yes?" Severus replied, staring at Remus as if he were a leech.

"I-I wanted to inform you that I'm leaving."

"Good for you," Severus replied with his usual sarcastic air.

"Try to stay out of trouble," Remus joked, weakly smiling at the dour looking man. Receiving a raised brow for his troubles, he nodded and turned, walking back down the hall.

"Lupin."

Heart skipping a beat, he swallowed, slowly turning around. Severus stood exactly where he was, one hand on the doorframe. His expression was unreadable.

"Don't do anything stupid."

Surprised, Lupin could only grin in acknowledgement before Severus rolled his eyes, closing his door. Shaking his head in amusement, he turned to the task at hand. Mentally preparing himself as best as he could, he left Grimmauld Place and went to find Greyback.

***

Severus paused at the stillness of the house. He sat silently reading until the words starting shifting into each other. He looked out the window at the bright moon, full and glowing, basking London with its gloomy haze.

A disconcerting sense of foreboding flitted through Severus's mind. The quiet of the large house only made it worse. Not a peep had been heard from Remus, not that he expected to be contacted, thought Severus.

He had gone to the kitchen throughout the day, but was unable to take even a single bite of food. He sat by the evening fire, periodically glancing out the window, musing to himself. Finally setting his practically untouched book on the settee, he rose, sighing.

Before he even felt it, he sensed it- the powerfully dark magic coursing through his veins. A flash later, he was hissing in familiar pain, his grip on his forearm tightening with each passing excruciating second. He ran through the house and up the stairs to fetch his robe and mask, then down to the cellar.

He grabbed a small box filled with Voldemort's requested potion, holding it tight to his chest. Just as a precaution, he pocketed a few other healing potions. One could never be too careful.

As soon as he apparated, he knew something was different. His grip on his wand tightened at the uneasy feeling. The location was unfamiliar but he felt the anti-apparition wards as soon as he walked through them. The gloomy fog surrounded him and he had to light his wand to see his way through.

A very large and dilapidated barn loomed ahead and Severus briskly walked towards it. He didn't wish to tarry and earn the wrath of Voldemort this night. Again, a sense of something he couldn't place gave him pause.

Two death eaters stood at the entrance. Severus could tell by their masks that they were unimportant and useless. He passed them standing guard, not bothering to even acknowledge them with a nod.

The barn was lit with candlelight and shadowy figures stood casually conversing with each other. Severus immediately spotted Malfoy and he walked over to him with a bored expression.

"Malfoy."

"Severus." His steely gaze briefly flickered to the box in Severus's hands. Severus almost smirked. Sometimes Malfoy was so transparent, he didn't understand how the Dark Lord could stand him. Maybe Malfoy knew things that Severus did not, but Severus's usefulness as a potions expert could not be so easily swept away. Malfoy was jealous and Severus could not be more pleased.

"I received your letter. Friday would be best. I shall inform Narcissa that we are to expect you for dinner."

Severus merely nodded. That's when he noticed the strangers. They blended in the shadows so well, Severus hardly noticed them at first.

He swallowed hard, eyes flickering over their glowing orbs. Werewolves. Surrounding them. Severus tried not to flinch and attempted to regain his composure, though it was with difficulty that he kept his voice neutral.

"What is going on?"

Malfoy shrugged, uncharacteristically. "A merry party."

Snape rolled his eyes. Joking and Malfoy went together like Longbottom and potions.

"My loyal sssservantsss!" hissed a dark voice. Immediately, every lingering figure in the barn dropped to their knees, eyes down.

"Rise, my friends. We have much to celebrate tonight."

Severus didn't like the sound of that in the least.

"As you can ssseee, we have guests tonight," Voldemort indicated with a bony finger.

The said 'guests' snarled and growled at the amassed crowd. Voldemort merely smiled, clearly pleased.

"Our friends here have joined our cause. Our army will be unstoppable. Fenrir," - he indicated to a gruesome, enormous wolf- "Is an undeniably unstoppable force. He has done well." He actually walked up to the beast, stroking his mangy fur lovingly. Severus thought he might be ill.

His eyes briskly passed over every werewolf in the barn, searching for- and praying, he wasn't going to find Lupin. He stiffly pursed his lips as he indeed located the familiar-looking wolf. He would never, as long as he lived, forget what the hideously grotesque alter ego of Lupin looked like.

Lupin appeared calm and not as fidgety as the rest. Severus lip quirked slightly as he realized that Lupin had indeed taken his potion. However, now they were in a predicament and Severus willed himself to appear as nonchalant as possible.

"Severus, come here." Damn and blast.

"My Lord," Severus said before bowing deeply. He stood and allowed himself to look straight into the eyes of the devil. Occluding was a second nature to Severus. He didn't even break a sweat, not even when his peripheral vision noticed Lupin wolfishly glaring at him. Damn his luck!

"Ah, is that what I think it is, Severuss?" Voldemort asked pleasantly, eying the small box in Severus's grasp.

"It is, my Lord. Twenty vials, as you requested." He graciously held out the ornate wooden box and watched as Voldemort eagerly grabbed it, his finger grazing over Severus's hand slightly. It was all he could do to not retch right then and there.

"You have done well, SSeverus. You will be greatly rewarded once this _war_ is over."

Like a good slave, Severus dropped to his knees, promptly kissing Voldemort's hem. "Words cannot describe how thankful I am, master."

He heard Voldemort utter a sound which Severus knew to be a laugh. It sounded so inhumane, that he would rather listen to the sound of the werewolves growling. He felt rather than saw Voldemort move away to speak with Malfoy. He rose slowly, his eyes immediately going to Remus's.

The wolf eyed him warily, as if uncertain how to behave. For the first time in his life, Severus wanted to legilimise the wolf. He didn't even know if it was possible. He was about to experiment when a sharp scream tore threw the air.

Wand out, Severus turned to the sound. Two death eaters were attempting to drag a young girl, clearly a muggle, into the center of the barn. She was probably no more than fifteen or sixteen. Severus swallowed, looking around. This would not end well, he knew.

Voldemort came around in front of the sobbing girl. His smile was almost sadistic as he took in her ragged and weeping form.

"Avery. Goyle. Have her parents been dealt with?" he asked.

They both nodded. "They are dead, my Lord." The girl only sobbed louder.

"Come, come child. There is no need for these tears. Crying about it will do you no good."

Severus swallowed down the bile as he watched, horrified as Voldemort carefully lifted one of the vials out of the box that Severus gave him. Thanking Merlin for his mask, Severus winced slightly as three drops were forced into the young girl's mouth.

Almost immediately, the screaming started. No longer restrained, she was on the ground writhing in pain, her limbs swelling with each passing second. Severus briefly glanced at Lupin to find him baring his teeth at the sight.

Fool! Snape wanted to yell. Of course he calmly stood where he was, and pretended to enjoy the sight, as the other death eaters were doing. The poor girl's body was now black and blue, her face unrecognizable.

"Severuss, you withstood seven drops. How many would you say she can handle?"

Severus whipped his head at being addressed. He somehow tore his eyes away from the sight to answer his master's question.

"My Lord, it is difficult to say. The dose you gave me would surely kill her."

Voldemort laughed once more. "We would not want that. Yet." More laughter. This time from the various different death eaters. Severus forced a smile.

Voldemort leaned over the girl's body and dripped one more drop into her bruised lips. More screaming commenced as gashes appeared over her arms and face and her torso, pools of blood spreading through her clothing.

The wolves were salivating, licking their chops in anticipation. Lupin growled. Severus knew no one here would know the difference, but he was horribly aware that only he was fully conscious of what Lupin was really thinking at the moment.

The screams echoed throughout the tall barn, piercing Severus's eardrums.

"I think that is enough of that!" Voldemort declared, putting the vial away. "Who would like to be the first to play?"

A deep growl ruminated and Greyback approached, yellow eyes ablaze, teeth bared.

"No, Fenrir, tonight is for my death eaters. You will get your turn."

Someone approached and bowed. Voldemort nodded happily and a 'crucio' was uttered. Severus watched as the girl's body spasmed and squirmed under the spell. Death eater after death eater approached, hungry for power and blood, each curse weakening the girl until she could no longer even scream.

He felt Voldemort's eyes on him. He met them levelly even as Voldemort gestured with his head to the bleeding and broken girl.

Severus approached the girl, wand aimed. Without even a second's hesitation, he pointed it at her. "Crucio!" She writhed pathetically. Severus cancelled the spell as he noticed bleeding coming from the ears and nose. Slowly, he turned back to Voldemort.

"My Lord, she is done." He went to step back but Voldemort halted him with his hand.

"Then finish her."

Severus blinked, trying to think. He licked his lips. "Master, I appreciate the honor, but Malfoy has yet to take a turn. Perhaps-"

"No. It is my gift to you, Severus. For the potion." Voldemort eyed him levelly and Severus had no choice but to obey. He bowed once more and turned to the pale and broken girl on the dusty barn floor. With imperceptibly shaking hands, he raised his wand.

"Avada Kadavra!"

Green light shot out the tip of his wand and hit the girl in the chest. She never even made a sound. Severus immediately turned away from the dead girl, as if the sight already bored him, and stepped back into the circle of Death Eaters.

"We will be victorious..." Voldemort said with an air of finality. The meeting ended and Severus turned on his heels, briskly walking out the barn and past the apparition point. His breathing was coming out in gasps by the time he staggered back into Grimmauld Place.

With shaking hands he tried to open the first bottle of alcohol he could find, drinking it straight down. It was a miracle he was able to hold onto the contents of his stomach. Then he realized he never really ate anything that day, and that was why. He plopped down on his bed, eyes shut.

He replayed the scene in his mind. It was almost as if in slow motion. He saw himself approaching the girl and he _felt_ Lupin's damning eyes on him the entire time. He felt the anger and disappointment. The disgust.

He rolled over and tried to quell the image. Lupin must have known what it was like. He could hardly be surprised. Still, nothing could appease him. He felt wretched and vile. He lazily stumbled off the bed and to the nearest floo. He immediately called Dumbledore.

"Severus. I feel as if I just spoke with you. Surely you do not miss me that much," he said with a wink.

"Albus, I just returned from a meeting." He was pleased to see all traces of cheerfulness disappear from the older man's face.

"What happened? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Albus." He sighed. "Can you come through?"

"Of course." Severus stood back allowing the Headmaster to walk through the floo. Immediately, concerned eyes were taking in Severus's haggard appearance.

"Severus, what happened?"

Severus looked away, swallowing. His hands shook slightly, a fact that Dumbledore did not miss. He gently placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder. Severus blinked but did not protest the touch. That alone troubled Dumbledore.

"I killed her." His voice was so low that Dumbledore barely heard him even inches away. He frowned, deeply concerned by Severus's pale, expressionless face.

"Who, Severus?" What did he make you do?"

Severus closed his eyes, exhausted suddenly. He stepped back and sat in the closest chair he could find. Dumbledore stood over him. Severus placed his face in his hands, his fingers grabbing at his lackluster locks.

"A girl. I'm not even sure of her name. She was...young. A muggle."

Dumbledore's eyes narrowed and he silently fumed at Voldemort. His nostrils flared as he stared down at the morose-looking potions master. He shook his head sadly.

"It wasn't your fault, Severus."

He heard a noise come from Severus. An almost half-laugh that bordered on hysteria. "Why don't you ask Lupin that next time you see him."

Dumbledore looked at Severus in confusion before comprehension suddenly dawned on him. He looked out the window at the startlingly full moon, then back at Severus.

"Remus is a smart man, Severus. He knows-"

"He knows nothing!" Severus was on his feet, eyes flashing. "He stood there like the beast that he is, and watched it happen. He knew we both had a part to play, except in this case, it was my fault no matter the situation. No matter what I do, he's going to remember me as the monster that I am." He walked past Dumbledore.

"Severus, wait. Remus would never think that." He heard the door slam loudly. Sighing, Dumbledore walked back to the fireplace, and back to Hogwarts.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Pairing: SS/RL

Warning: This chapter includes some NC-17 content.

Author's notes: Thanks again for the reviews! For warnings, summary and disclaimer, see chapter 1.

* * *

Though he did not like to think of himself as a coward, Remus would have given anything to leave this desolate and disgusting place, and to run away from it all. Away from Voldemort and his degrading army, away from the Order and away from England, preferably.

However, upon witnessing what it was like first hand at one of Voldemort's infamous meetings, and after what he saw Severus do, he could no more run away from it all than Severus could.

Two days later and the image of that poor girl was still engrained in his mind and would stay so until the day he died. Especially afterwards when Greyback and his fellow pack decided to have the leftovers. He was only glad that Severus had already left. He himself was almost sick, and he was in his wolf state!

He thankfully was able to get away from the rest of the pack. Learning no more than he had previously, he apparated to the small inn where he was staying, grabbed his barely-touched pack, and immediately apparated back to Grimmauld Place.

He felt inexplicably relieved to be back in familiar territory. He walked inside the musty- smelling entryway and went to the kitchen. He stopped in his tracks when he noticed bottle upon empty bottle of liquor laying about on the table and countertops.

Every bottle was barren and most of them were a good deal more potent than plain wine. He winced at the thought of dealing with a plastered Severus, but concern won over and he dropped his bag and went upstairs. He paused at Severus's door, contemplating the best way to approach the man.

He decided the direct way was usually the best, especially when dealing with Severus. He knocked twice and waited. Nothing happened so Remus decided to chance Severus's wrath by opening the door on his own. Amazingly, not one single ward was up. That worried Remus acutely, for no matter what frame of mind Severus was in, he almost never forgets his wards.

He cracked the door open, peeking inside. His blood grew cold at the sight. Severus was propped up on his bed, a few random and empty bottles lay strewn around him. His clothing appeared unchanged since the last time Remus saw him (even though Remus couldn't _really_ tell since Severus wore only black), and his hair was mussed up and limply hanging over his drooping face.

"My god, Severus..." He quickly approached the bed, shoving aside the empty bottles. He stared at the uncharacteristic mess and felt utterly helpless.

"Go away, Lupin."

"Severus, what were you thinking? Do you want to get alcohol poisoning?"

"Possibly."

Remus stared, horrified. "That's not funny, Severus."

"Then get out, Lupin, I have no wish to see you right now."

Remus wanted to counter that he never really wanted to see him anytime. He didn't think Severus would appreciate the joke right now.

"Severus, this isn't helping anybody. What are you trying to prove?"

Obsidian eyes glared up at him threateningly. "Careful Lupin, I may think you actually care what happens to me."

Remus blinked. "I don't blame you."

An immediate grimace crossed Severus's face. "Get out."

"Severus, you can't drink the past away!"

Severus was off the bed and on his feet faster than Remus thought possible for a drunk.

"I don't care what you think, Lupin. And I especially don't care what you think of me. So get out. I assure you, I will not crack. I've had too much experience."

Remus grabbed the slightly staggering man by the front of his shirt.

"Severus, I was _there_. You can hide behind your mask all you like but there is no way I'd be able to do what you did."

Snape flinched as if struck. "Well then, thank god for saintly Lupin," he sneered.

Remus stared in confusion. "What-" His mouth dropped suddenly as his eyes went wide. "Oh god...You think...you actually think I could condemn you for what happened?" Judging by Severus's face, that was exactly what he was thinking.

"My god, Severus, I didn't realize your opinion of me was _that_ low." He released Snape's shirt, stepping back. He stared incredulously at Severus.

"Oh, please! Spare me your words, wolf! I _know_ you're internally grinning from ear to mangy ear realising that what you always thought of me was absolutely true! You wanted me to be that monster that you saw. You just couldn't wait to see it first hand-"

A sharp fist connected with Severus's jaw, surprising both him and Remus. Severus glared daggers at the bewildered werewolf as he straightened out, holding his throbbing face. He tasted blood and he wanted nothing more than to spit it straight at Remus's face.

Instead, he retained his composure, calmly looking back at the bedraggled wolf. "I bet you've wanted to do _that_ since Hogwarts too," he mocked.

Remus shook his head in disgust. "You want to drink yourself into a drunken haze, fine, go ahead. I've finished trying to reason with you, Severus. You win, alright!" He threw his hands up in disgust and stalked from the room.

Again, Severus was on him quicker than what was probably normal for one in an inebriated state. The taller, stronger wizard was pinned to the hallway wall, staring at a menacing and completely lucid potions master. A sudden sense of déjà vu sprung to Remus's mind.

"I'm sick of playing this game, Lupin. You tell me what you want from me, right now! I won't have this when Potter comes. So you tell me now, and _don't _bullshit me, or I will know."

For a minute, Remus wondered exactly how much Severus had to drink as he had no clue what the man was talking about. But the figure before him was entirely serious, his dark eyes boring into Remus's. Swallowing, Remus allowed the personal invasion. He didn't know why he allowed it, but if Severus didn't trust his words, then maybe he would trust his thoughts.

He felt the intrusion into his mind immediately. It was slightly rough and uncomfortable, but he knew that Snape wasn't trying as hard as he could. It had barely started before he felt the loss. It was an intimately strange feeling, having someone burrow around in your mind, sniffing out old memories. Remus found it oddly erotic.

He saw Severus stagger back slightly, eyes wide. Remus regarded him calmly.

"Of all the rotten timing...." Severus trailed off, sighing.

Remus shrugged. "There is no good timing when it comes to you, Severus." He tried for the gibe but it came out harsher than he intended.

Severus looked at him scornfully. "Forgive me for having a life."

Remus scoffed. "Is that what you call this? I didn't realize playing with death eaters and murder constituted a normal existence."

Snape winced, pursing his lips. "I meant my actual occupation. Remember? Hogwarts? Potions master? Last I checked, you were unemployed," he finished mockingly.

"Yes, and whose fault was that! You had your revenge, and I had to leave the only job I've had in years! But I didn't hold that against _you_ Severus! You can't even let go of a school-age grudge!" He knew he was screaming, his normally sound composure shattered by a few words from Severus. He hated that the man got to him so.

"You nearly killed me! How can someone forget that?" Severus spat.

"Don't be an idiot, Severus. You know damn well I had no recollection of that. There is such a thing as forgiveness! I screamed at Sirius until my throat was raw, but I forgave him. I may never forget it, but I at least can forgive. If you can't, that is your prerogative. But don't stand there, blaming me for something I had no control over!" He gave Severus a knowing look that dared him to question his logic.

Severus was no fool. He knew precisely what Remus was referring to. Just two nights ago he killed a little girl because he had no choice or _control_ over it. And here Remus was, coming to check up on him anyway, as if it were the decent thing to do.

Severus looked away from the amber-honey eyes, gathering his composure. He could hear Remus breathing harshly, eyes burning holes into Severus. Finally, he turned back to the waiting werewolf.

"Then why bother with me, Lupin? I realize we're both in the Order, but really, there could be no need for you to seek me out."

Remus looked at the deflated man with incredulous eyes.

"Because you're not a horrible person, Severus. Whatever you may think. Albus trusts you, and I trust you."

Severus scoffed, but without his usual derivative tone. "I apologize for my earlier comment. You are not like Black at all." He turned away and walked back to his room, closing and locking the door.

Remus remained where he was, stunned to even move. His mind going a mile a second, he finally blinked, more confused than ever, and went downstairs.

***

"Thank you all for coming. Arthur, the meeting can begin." Dumbledore sat down as Arthur's quick notes quill began scribing.

"First order of business: Remus spent a few days with the werewolves, and in Voldemort's company during the full moon. In fact, the death eaters were summoned as well. Remus, why don't you begin and tell us what, if anything you gathered from your time away."

Remus stood and coughed. "Unfortunately, they were not very forthcoming. I have a feeling most are being led blindly by empty promises. Greyback is, if possible, even more of a monster than he was in the past. He has no regard for life of any kind, and will kill without thought for who or what. He personally told me that Voldemort promised him and the rest of the pack as many victims as desired after the war has been won."

Angry faces stared up at Remus.

"How horrible..." Tonks expressed.

"So you were at the meeting with Snape then?" Moody asked with a contemplative air. Remus's eyes briefly flitted to Severus's unresponsive form.

"Yes, Severus was there along with many, if not all of the death eaters."

"You are the only one among us who has seen Snape at one of those meetings. Tell us once and for

all-"

"Moody, I hope you are not insinuating that Severus cannot be trusted. Because I assure you, I am disregarding the pointless inquisition. All I will say is that if you were face to face with Voldemort, you would be praying for a quick death before he even spoke a word to you."

The room was deathly quiet as everybody took in the annoyed werewolf soundly berating the older auror.

"Furthermore, I can say with certainty that Severus's position as the one and only spy for us is highly important and extremely dangerous. If anyone has any doubts, then by all means, I shall be glad to answer your questions after the meeting has ended. I am sure Severus will not object."

A few nervous pairs of eyes flitted to Severus's stern form.

A cough from Dumbledore broke through the tension. "Thank you, Remus. Your point of view on the matter is greatly appreciated. We cannot afford diversity."

Dumbledore turned to Severus then. "Severus, as you are aware, Harry will be coming here in a couple of weeks."

Severus merely sneered in response.

"I know I have brought this up beforehand- however, as Harry is almost an adult, we must go back to the issue of his admittance to the Order."

Almost immediately, shouts of protest from Molly echoed through the room.

"Albus, he is still too young!"

Severus intervened. "What is your question for me, Albus?"

Dumbledore brushed his fingers across his bearded chin in thought. Finally, he looked down at the waiting potions master.

"In your opinion, is he ready?"

Severus didn't even pause. "No."

Moody was on his feet in an instance. "What does it matter what Snape thinks? Why ask him at all?"

"Because Severus is constantly around the boy in school, and only he knows if he is stable enough to contend with any of this. Not to mention, with Voldemort."

Snape stood slowly. "Potter is still a child, no matter what the prophecy states. His mind surely has not handled Black's death all that well. We all know it. The boy is bent on revenge, I assure you."

Suspicious glances were aimed at Severus, who merely shrugged.

"Ask Lupin, then. He knows the boy better than most here." He turned, throwing a look at the werewolf.

Mildly surprised at even be acknowledged by Severus, Remus stood to address the crowd.

"Severus is completely right. He is not yet recovered. We cannot ask anything of him, but to continue his education. Surely, one day soon..." he trailed off, looking to Dumbledore.

Moody scoffed loudly and Molly was bopping her head up and down in agreement. She locked eyes with Remus, mentally thanking him.

"It's settled then," Dumbledore exclaimed. He turned to Severus.

"Now, when you were summoned..."

***

The meeting ended on a low note and everyone left immediately after dinner. Severus, still nursing a hangover, ate very little. He contended with eating in the dining room with the rest of the Order. He also did not miss the not-so-subtle looks of horror being thrown his way throughout. Like everything else, he ignored it.

After dinner, Dumbledore and Remus cleaned the table while Severus sat with a half-filled glass of wine. He stared at the amber liquid until he heard his name being called. Looking up, he found a concerned-looking Dumbledore.

"Do you need anything, my boy?" he asked gently.

Severus rolled his eyes at the familiar and annoying endearment. Before he could form a snide response, he heard the front door open and close. Frowning, he withdrew his wand, standing up.

Minerva McGonagall entered the dining room, looking as stern and wrinkly as always. Severus released a sigh as he stared at the Deputy Headmistress.

"Severus! My goodness, it has been a while."

Severus's brow rose slightly. "Not long enough, I'm afraid."

She smirked and turned to Dumbledore. "I have checked on Potter. I can assure you that those disgusting muggle relatives of his are treating him worse than a house elf! He spends his weekends cutting the grass with this loud contraption and then he cooks for them! Albus, this cannot go on."

"Minerva, thank you for keeping an eye on him, but unfortunately, there is no safer place for him. He will be here very shortly."

She pursed her lips as she gave Dumbledore an unsatisfactory look.

"Well, we must be on our way. Do let me know if you need anything," Dumbledore said to Severus and Remus.

McGonagall left with the Headmaster, leaving Remus with a dour-looking Severus. Remus finished up with the cleaning as Severus departed to the library, immediately sinking into his favorite chair. He was just contemplating reading, when Remus entered, with two plates of something.

Cautiously smiling, Remus offered one plate to Severus, who upon closer inspection noticed it was some form of chocolate pie. He crinkled his nose in disdain.

"No, thank you."

Remus only shrugged and sat down across from Severus, with his own plate of pie. Severus watched him eat for a minute before finally picking up his book.

"Severus, I was wondering if I may trouble you for a sleeping potion?" Remus suddenly asked, his eyes on his pie.

Severus slowly looked up at the werewolf. "Are you having trouble sleeping?" he asked curiously before mentally slapping himself. What did he care?

Remus stopped eating. "Lately. I would really appreciate it."

Severus just nodded briskly before returning to his book. Once more, he was unable to concentrate. He sighed, annoyed with himself and his current situation. He closed his book, placing it on the chair as he stood. Without a glance at Remus, he walked out of the library and down to his lab.

He promptly located the sleeping drought, picking up an extra one. He spent a moment checking over the rest of his stores before leaving.

He went back upstairs, but Remus was missing from the library. Frowning, he looked in the kitchen and the rest of the downstairs before heading to the second floor. He paused in front of Remus's door, suddenly wary. Ignoring his nerves, he knocked softly.

Hearing nothing at first, he knocked once more. When no answer came from inside, he tried the knob. Unsurprisingly, it opened. He frowned as he stepped in. Clothing was strewn on the floor but no sign of Remus. He was about to put the potion on his nightstand and leave, when Remus walked out of the bathroom.

He was completely nude but for a long towel wrapped around his lower half. He seemed surprised to see Severus there.

"Severus? Everything all right?"

Severus said nothing. He merely lifted the vial, showing Remus. The wolf smiled in thanks and reached out to take it from him. Severus handed him the vial, completely aware of Remus's fingers ghosting over his hand. He was about to pull back, but his wrist was suddenly grabbed.

Heart beating faster than the occasion warranted, Severus calmly looked into Remus's eyes. He refused to budge as Remus leaned in and brushed his lips across Severus's. The heat was radiating off the other man's body pleasantly.

Without even realizing he was doing it, Severus raised his hand to the other man's chest. His mind was screaming at him to cease at once. But his body was melting into a tired goop of mush. He was suddenly too tired to even care what he was doing. No matter how much his mind objected_- It's just sex_, he countered to himself.

He attacked Remus's lips, surprising the stronger man. He pushed the man down to the bed, grabbing at his towel. Throwing it out of the way, he looked down at the werewolf's erect prick. How he had failed to notice it the last time, he would never know. Heart pounding, he swallowed hard.

Remus sat up at the edge of the bed, aware of the indecision on Severus's face. He gently reached forward, ghosting his fingers over fabric, cupping the other man. He watched, entranced as the harsher man's eyes shut briefly before opening in a haze. Apparently, that was all the encouragement Severus needed, for he pushed Remus flat down and got to his knees.

Before Remus even got the chance to look surprised, Severus took him in his mouth. A gruff moan escaped the other man as he took in the sight of Severus Snape on his knees, giving a blowjob to a werewolf. His mind was spinning and he found his hands suddenly threaded with Severus's long locks, kneading through them.

Realizing it had been a ridiculously long time since anyone had done that to him, Remus found himself releasing into Severus's mouth only minutes into it. He groaned as he realized Severus never retracted himself from Remus's prick, milking him to the last drop.

Dilated pupils seared into obsidian ones. He saw Severus lick his bottom lip, whether on purpose or completely subconsciously, he didn't know, or care. To Remus, it was by far the most alluring sight he'd ever seen.

"Severus..."

The other man paused, staring up at Remus with an unreadable expression. His breathing was ragged and his face slightly flushed, which was the only indication that he had enjoyed that as much as Remus had.

Severus didn't speak as he slowly undressed, but his eyes never left Remus's. For some reason, Remus had a feeling Severus wasn't quite so comfortable undressing in front of him. But, as everything Severus did was a challenge, he wasn't about to back out of this one.

Remus scooted his boneless body towards the middle of the bed as Severus finished undressing. Finally nude, he stood before Remus with a masked expression.

Remus took in the man's pale flesh, noticing scarring throughout. It paled in comparison to his own marred flesh, but it surprisingly appealed to him that Severus was not unmarked. He was on the thin side, but he looked appreciatively at Snape's erect prick, and couldn't help but blush. He bit his lip in remembrance of the last time they were in this room.

"Get on your stomach." Severus's voice was husky and commanding. Remus smiled slightly. "I really don't mind being on my back, Severus."

"I mind." Remus didn't exactly know how to take that but he sighed and turned over.

He felt Severus get on the bed, immediately straddling him.

"I'm going to use my wand again..." he said, warning Remus, who briefly nodded.

He once more felt the familiar spell stretching and heating his insides with lube. He sighed in pleasure.

"Ready?"

"Do it."

Severus needed no more encouragement as he entered Remus swiftly. Once more, Remus hissed at the intrusion. Severus wasn't the most careful lover, but he was practiced. It hurt just enough. Soon the pain melted away as Severus pounded into the body underneath him. He wished it could have lasted longer than it did, but when it was over, he had no regrets.

He lay on his stomach, sweaty and ragged and completely enamored. He felt Severus withdraw and whisper the cleaning charms. Remus turned on his side, taking in Severus sitting over the edge of the bed, looking down at his lap. The man's dark hair was limp and dripping down his back. Remus had the urge to lick away the droplets.

"You know, Severus, I may not need that sleeping draught after all," he joked.

"Glad to hear it." Severus continued to sit perfectly still, staring down. Remus frowned.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," was the brusque response. Severus stood suddenly, reaching for his discarded clothing. Quickly donning his trousers, he stood with his back to Remus. Not bothering with his shirt or other clothing, he stalked to the door, opening it wide, then shutting it behind him.

Remus sighed as he plopped down on his back, wincing slightly at the pain from his lower half. He saw the forgotten vial of sleeping draught at the edge of the bed. He quickly grabbed it, pulling out the stopper. He downed it in one gulp and lay back. The next thing he knew it was morning.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Pairing: SS/RL

Warning: This chapter includes some NC-17 content as well as language.

Author's notes: Three chapters in 1 week! I was happy to have some free time, so enjoy! For warnings, summary and disclaimer, see chapter 1.

* * *

Two days later, after a particularly boring Order meeting, Severus fucked Remus in the library, on his favorite chair. He wasn't even sure who started it but once again, Remus was pinned down and Severus wordlessly rutted him into a slobbering mess- then left just as silently.

Besides walking around sore and stiff, Remus was starting to feel entirely used. He liked whatever he had with Severus. He really liked the sex. He was having more sex now than he had in the last decade. Still, something nagged at his mind and he knew exactly what it was. He was not the type of man to sleep with someone, and then pretend they didn't exist. Apparently, Severus was.

There was no mention of what occurred between them. It was as if they were total strangers again.

The next night, Remus surprised Severus in the kitchen, pinning him against the door. The man glared daggers at him before Remus cupped Severus's erection through his many layers of clothing. Seconds after, the other man had his hands on Remus's head as Remus sucked Severus's prick dry. He swallowed every drop and even tucked Snape in.

Standing up, he had a goofy grin on his face while Severus looked at him indifferently. His chest caved in and he nearly punched the other man. Instead, he started screaming.

"I'd get a better reaction if I fucked this wall!" he screamed, pointing at said wall. "Tell me what to do, and I'll do it! Just don't look at me like I'm one of your fucking students!"

Severus did nothing but glare at Remus. Finally fed up, Remus threw his hands up in the air. "I can't do this anymore! You're killing me, Snape." He stalked away, clearly agitated. Severus didn't try to stop him. Instead, he sank to the floor, tired and confused.

His mind was being pulled into a million and one directions. With Potter coming in a matter of days and Remus constantly in his way, the damned Order...he could scarcely think. To make matters much worse, his damn forearm started to burn.

Groaning in annoyance and pain, he shot to his feet and stumbled upstairs. After retrieving his mask and robe, he passed by Remus's room. Without knocking, he loudly spoke through the door.

"I've been summoned, Lupin. Alert Dumbledore." He didn't bother to wait and see if Remus responded. He put on his mask and left Grimmauld Place to face his master.

***

Hours later in his room, Remus lay under the covers, trying to sleep. He was incredibly tired, but sleep would not come. He kept listening for the familiar click of the front door, alerting him to Severus's return. It was deathly silent in the giant house and Remus was starting to go mad.

He was frustrated and angry with Severus. The man was impossible, the worst sort of individual to deal with. Stubborn to a fault. Still, concern for what the man may be facing kept Remus completely awake that night.

At nearly three in the morning, his acute hearing perceived the familiar noise downstairs. Sighing in relief, he realized he'd finally be able to sleep. Closing his eyes, he was completely unprepared for the soft knock on his door. Sitting up slightly in worry, he saw the door open marginally and watched as Severus slowly sauntered in.

Even in the dark, he could see the state Severus was in. He appeared as if he were going to drop at any moment. His face was lifeless and his body was stiff and uncomfortable looking. Remus recognized the signs of the cruciatus and bit his lip, throwing his covers back.

"Severus?" he whispered. He thought the man might need some aid especially when no response came back to him.

Furrowing his brow, he was completely confounded at Severus walking towards the bed and sitting down. Though he was practically in the middle, Remus scooted over a few more inches. Eyes going wide with shock, he watched Severus lie down flat on the bed, eyes straight to the ceiling.

"Severus, are you all right?" he asked with genuine concern. The other man said nothing. He licked his bottom lip slightly as if contemplating a response. Remus chanced brushing his fingers over the other man's forehead, sweeping some strands away.

Severus's eyes suddenly darted to Remus's- unguarded and haunted looking. His hand rose to Remus's neck and slowly pulled him close. Pliant lips moved over shocked ones.

"Remus..." he murmured.

The werewolf stilled at the unfamiliar name coming from the other man's lips. Confusion and worry broke free as he pulled back to look at Snape's face. The man looked exhausted and slightly grieved. Remus furrowed his brow and wondered what the other man was thinking.

Quite suddenly, a deceptively strong arm pulled Remus up over and on top of Severus. Their bodies flush against each other, Severus grabbed at Remus's back, pushing him tight against Severus's chest. The position was so foreign to Remus; there could be no mistaking it. He looked questioningly down at Severus, hoping he wasn't misunderstanding anything.

Severus just stared up with tired eyes. Remus gave an experimental push, arching his hips towards Severus. The man responded with a strained sigh.

Sudden heat flared through Remus. Whatever Severus was offering, he wasn't about to refuse. He leaned down and kissed the pliant potions master. His hands roamed the still-dressed form. With one whispered word, they were both divulged of their clothing. Severus moaned at the penetrating body heat. He grabbed Remus's arse, grinding his body against his own. Remus's eyes flashed in pleasure.

He carefully leaned over to his nightstand, and pulled out a small jar of lubricant. He sat up, straddling Severus and unscrewed the jar. He put two fingers inside, gathering a goop of lubricant. He hesitantly reached down between Severus's legs, towards his puckered opening. A hand stayed his movement. He looked down at Severus in confusion.

"Don't," he whispered. "I can't pretend I deserve it".

Remus looked at him incredulously. "Severus Snape, you really know how to infuriate someone." He didn't give the other man the chance to respond as he flicked his fingers across Severus's opening.

Severus moaned and screwed his eyes shut. Pleased, Remus continued to prepare the man, loving the sounds Severus was making. Finally satisfied, he grabbed some more lubricant, liberally spreading it on his own prick. He positioned himself against Severus, and purposely waited until he got a nod.

It was everything he imagined it would be, though never in his wildest dreams did he ever think Severus would allow Remus to top. He knew from the beginning that Severus was a dominant individual. He knew and accepted that fact. But what Severus didn't know was that with all of Remus's past lovers, he had almost exclusively topped. He was a werewolf and his instincts came forth during lovemaking. He loved the feel of owning someone like that. Their body, pliant underneath him as he rode them to completion.

He sacrificed that for Severus and he was not sorry. But this felt blissful. He knew what it must have cost Severus to allow this.

Severus was quiet, but cooperative, occasionally running his fingers up and down Remus's sweat-slicked back. His eyes were screwed shut and the occasional hiss of pleasure escaped his lips as Remus pumped Severus's prick under the covers.

Remus had to refrain from completely going off the bend, as he imagined Severus was not used to this particular intrusion, and did not want to frighten the man off or hurt him in anyway. Finally he felt Severus still beneath him, his body going completely rigid during his climax, his breath escaping in a satisfied sigh.

Remus grunted as he rode to completion, collapsing on top of Severus's heated chest. His breathing was all he heard for a good while. He was drenched from head to toe and he couldn't be bothered to care. Unfortunately, most of the moisture was no doubt sticking to Severus, and somehow he didn't think the other man would appreciate that.

Propping himself on his palms, he looked down cautiously at Severus.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked for good measure.

Severus merely shook his head. Remus sat up and withdrew from Severus, eliciting a wince. He gave Severus an apologetic look and moved to the other end of the bed. The lack of body heat was actually a blessing, he thought, as he took in his sweaty state.

Severus seemed not to notice as he slowly sat up, swinging his legs over the bed. He softly winced as he attempted to stand. Remus's face fell as he once again had to deal with a departing Severus.

"Please stay," he blurted. He didn't care how pathetic or needy he sounded suddenly. But he didn't think he could bear another dismissal.

Severus glanced at him over his shoulder as he stood up. He gave him a quick raised brow as he walked over to the bathroom. Remus heard the water being turned on, then off. A moment later, Severus walked back into the bedroom and sat back down on the bed.

Remus swallowed, looking down. Severus swung his legs back onto the bed, laying flat against the pillows. He turned tired eyes to Remus, sighing slightly.

"Go to sleep, wolf."

Remus would have grinned if he weren't so shocked. Instead, he gently laid down next to Severus who had his eyes shut. Remus took in the man's severe profile, wondering how they had come to be where they were. James and Sirius would be rolling in their graves, thought Remus suddenly. Then he remembered Sirius had no grave and his good mood subsided into melancholy. He sighed and closed his eyes, even as his hand sought out Severus's.

***

The hazy sun filtered through the long, uncovered windows, basking Severus and Remus in its warmth. Severus awoke to find a slightly snoring werewolf with his paws all over Severus's chest. Frowning, he went to extract himself from the sleeping wizard when he heard a most inconvenient sound. The unmistakable noise of the downstairs floo.

Wide awake and alert, Severus bolted straight up, punching Remus none-to-gently on his arm.

"Lupin!" he harshly whispered. "Get up! Now!"

The groggy man slowly looked around the room, frowning and rubbing his sore arm.

"What-"

"Someone is downstairs, probably Albus." He was quickly trying to gather his clothing, but looking around, he knew it would prove futile. There were just too many layers to put on.

"Damn it!" he hissed. He looked at Remus, who was also attempting to find his clothing, though not as hurriedly.

"Lupin. I'm going to apparate to my room."

"You can't, your wards..."

A look of horror dawned on Severus's face. He looked at the two pieces of clothing in Remus's hands.

"Get dressed, go downstairs and stall him." Remus quickly pulled on his trousers and a long-sleeved button down shirt, scowling at Severus's choice in attire. He quickly ran his fingers through his hair, knowing that probably only made it look worse. He didn't bother looking in the mirror as he silently left the room.

He went downstairs only to find Dumbledore in the kitchen.

"Albus!" He coughed uncomfortably.

"Ah, there you are Remus. How are you this morning?" The older man smiled at the werewolf with his usual jovial self.

Still, Remus couldn't help but read too much into the look.

"Fine, fine. Is there any news? Has something happened?"

"No, nothing like that. I had some free time and decided to pop in. To be honest, I was a little worried about Severus. He never did get back to me. I assume he is in?"

Remus swallowed, nodding slowly. "Yes, he got in very early this morning. I imagine he was very tired and simply forgot to contact you." He didn't look directly into the older man's eyes. One could never be too careful.

Dumbledore sat at the table with a mug of hot coffee. He casually looked Remus over. "Is everything all right with you, Remus? You look exhausted."

Remus laughed slightly, busying himself with pouring coffee in his mug.

"Just tired, I suppose. I didn't even realize what time it was. I guess I slept through breakfast," he babbled. "Would you like me to see if Severus is awake, for you?"

"There is no need for that, Lupin." Severus stormed into the kitchen, looking remarkably awake and put together, thought Remus with a frown.

He walked over to Dumbledore and raised his brow. "Checking up on me now, are we?" he scoffed.

Dumbledore merely smiled. "It _is_ good to see you back to your normal charming self, Severus. I have missed it these past couple of weeks, I can't even begin to tell you."

Severus sighed in annoyance, sitting down opposite Dumbledore.

"How did it go?" Dumbledore finally asked after a beat.

Severus shrugged. "He was not pleased. I did inform him of Potter's removal from his Aunt and Uncle's to a secret location, but he was not happy with the lack of further knowledge. Especially when I told him I wasn't privy to that information."

"Wait," Remus interjected. "You told Voldemort Harry is being moved?" He looked at the Headmaster incredulously, then at Severus.

"Severus's position as spy requires him to obtain information, not just for our side, Remus. We give Severus the information that we deem...appropriate to give to Voldemort."

"Yes but, this is pretty damn important, Albus! He now knows Harry is being moved."

"But he does not know when and where. Do not worry, Remus."

"But how do we know Voldemort can't just rip it out of Severus's mind?" he asked, not realizing the look of thunder Severus was throwing at him.

"I'm so glad you trust my occlumency skills so thoroughly, Lupin."

Remus sighed. "That isn't what I meant. I'm just saying it's dangerous. One single thought of Grimmauld Place, and you and Harry could both be dead."

Severus stood. "That is my job, Lupin. To _not_ think of this wretched place. Since I've been staying here for almost three months, I do not think that should even come up in question," he finished steely, glaring at Remus.

"I trust Severus, Remus," Dumbledore said.

"So do I! That isn't want I meant." He knew he was being hysterical but he had just started making progress with Severus- he didn't want to make things worse.

Severus continued to give him a cold look and Dumbledore merely nodded.

"Harry will be transported here in two days time. I trust you both can settle your differences before then? He has enough loathing at his relative's home." He stood to leave, sparing a glance at a bashful-looking Remus and a sneering Severus.

"I will see you both in two days time." He left them in eerie silence. As soon as the floo sounded, Severus was on him. Literally. He pounced at the surprised werewolf, knocking him to the floor. His teeth bared in a snarl, he leaned forward to whisper in Remus's ear.

"You fool! Did you even look at yourself after getting dressed?"

Confused, Remus merely frowned up at an angry-looking Severus.

"What-"

"You would think even a child knows how to properly button their shirt!"

Blanching, Remus practically knocked Severus off, scrambling to his feet, his hands grappling at his shirt. Sure enough, he found that he mismatched the buttons from top to bottom as indicated by the shirt being extra long at one front end. He groaned, afraid to look at Severus.

"Of all the ridiculous absurd things..."

"Maybe he didn't notice?" Remus asked, then cringed at Severus's face.

The potions master spared one more glare at the werewolf before stalking past him out of the kitchen.

"Severus, wait..." He hurried after Severus, not knowing what he wanted to say.

Severus whirled around, his black robes flaring around him. "This ends now, Lupin. We can't do this anymore."

Whatever Remus was expecting, it wasn't this. His jaw dropped of its own accord. "Severus..."

"Think, Lupin! Potter-" he exclaimed with pure disdain- "will be here in two days. What then?" He looked at Remus as if there could be no other solution.

Remus stepped closer. "Then school starts." He winced as he realized that also was the case for Severus. The potions master gave him an all-knowing look. Remus sighed, feeling helpless. He suddenly realized, with Severus gone, he would be at Grimmauld entirely by himself. He didn't think he could stand that. Something on his expression must have registered with Severus, for the man softened his face ever so slightly.

"Lupin, it can't work."

Remus's head shot up. "You don't want it to work," he said bitterly.

Severus sighed, looking at his feet briefly. "Lupin, it is not wise to form attachments. You should know this by now," he said levelly.

Remus knew precisely what Severus was talking about. It seemed like all the friends he'd ever had had met a horrific end. Severus was...warning him.

"Maybe you're right, Severus. Maybe it is unwise. But we're at war, and you're constantly putting your life into _His_ hands whenever you're called off. But when the real fighting starts, either one of us could die."

"I can't deal with you on top of Voldemort, the damned Order and classes, Remus." He blinked as the name slipped out of his lips. He swallowed, looking away.

Remus looked forlorn as he heard what Severus was trying to say. It sounded crude and unsympathetic and unapologetic. He found himself swallowing roughly, and his voice was harsh when he spoke.

"Fine, Severus. Don't _deal_ with me then." He walked past the other man, wanting to get as far away from Grimmauld as humanly possible.

"Lupin, Lupin...wait. Remus!"

Remus stopped. He mentally kicked himself for being so weak when it came to Severus. But he loved how his name sounded coming from that man. He stood still, his back to Snape, waiting.

"I- I am not used...to this. Like I said, attachments are unwise. I _don't_ normally do this, Lu- Remus."

Remus didn't turn around as he responded. "Then don't. I can't make you do whatever you don't want to do." He left Severus, and Grimmauld Place.

***

Severus paced for hours nonstop. The usually stoic and composed potions master had been agitated at Remus's departure. One part of Severus's mind screamed 'good riddance!', but the other, long forgotten part whispered to him to go after the werewolf.

He felt disgusted with himself and weak. He couldn't understand how he let the other man get to him so. For years he had no need of anybody, his loneliness being his only trusty companion. Dumbledore was always there, but as a mentor and teacher. He loved Severus like a father loves his son.

But Severus had not formed any sort of personal attachments for fear of abandonment. Deep down, he knew no one would wish to stay with him long. He was a death eater after all. He was marked and unclean; a murderer.

It still puzzled him why Remus would want anything to do with him. His mind kept drifting back to what Remus had said weeks earlier. That he had, at some point at Hogwarts, had feelings for him. It boggled Severus's mind. He tried thinking back to his bittersweet time at Hogwarts, tried to remember any instance where he could have guessed what was on Remus's mind.

He grew frustrated when nothing came to mind. The first three years, not one single word was uttered between them, he knew. The other damn Mauraders had barely started on their pranks, he thought bitterly. Fourth year had been rough, both at home and at school. Fifth year was tough with preparing for the OWLS and trying to stay clear of Potter and Black. Severus blinked.

It was always Potter and Black. They were the ones that made his life a living hell. Remus was there, always there, though he never instigated anything against Severus, he did go along with it though. Of course, he also never put a stop to it either. Severus sneered. No, Lupin wasn't entirely blameless, but he wasn't the reason Severus detested Hogwarts so.

A sudden thought sprung to mind. He remembered potions class. Almost as if it were yesterday. Slughorn had paired up Slytherin with Gryffindor and Severus had been paired with Remus. The fifteen year old with the unnatural amber eyes had said nothing as he moved to sit with a sneering Severus, who watched Remus's classmates as they gave the wolf obvious looks of pity.

He had turned to glare at Remus, but the boy was already preparing their ingredients. They had barely said a word for the entire duration of class, but their potion had been perfect. Remus had chopped everything up, and Severus had taken control of the brewing. They received perfect scores for the day and Severus had breathed a sigh of relief.

Slughorn had been so pleased with their progress, he continued to pair them up whenever he decided to mix the two houses. Remus had been cordial each and every time, even offering words of 'please pass the newts, Severus' and 'thank you for letting me borrow your spare quill, Severus.'

He would never have deigned to call it friendship, but they did have a rapport. Why Severus never thought of it until now was a mystery. Still, he never imagined that Remus had any sort of feelings for the lanky and pale-faced boy back then.

And then things went sour with the Shrieking Shack incident, and Severus had refused to speak to Remus ever again. He smirked unpleasantly at the irony of it all.

The question now was what he intended to do about it. Remus had given him a lifeline, a way out. He could simply walk back to Hogwarts and only deal with the werewolf at Order Meetings and full moons. But every time he thought of that, his heart lurched uncomfortably. He had come to admit to himself that he did not mind Remus's company. And the sex wasn't entirely unpleasant either...

It was another dilemma that Severus just didn't feel like dealing with. And with Potter arriving unpleasantly soon, he didn't even know how matters would be between them. It would certainly complicate things. But he would have to wait it out for just two more weeks. Then he could go back to Hogwarts, to his own room, and...to being completely alone.

He groaned, plopping down in his favorite chair. Then he realized it was the same chair he had fucked Remus on just a few days prior. There was no denying it; he couldn't escape the wolf. He couldn't understand why. What was it that made Remus so appealing to him?

Certainly not his looks. The man was a walking carving board. Most of his wounds were self-inflicted, which only made him less appealing. His hair was prematurely graying and he lived like a pauper, judging by his clothing. A slight pang of guilt coursed through Severus, for he knew very well why the man was out of a job.

True, he was very learned and had a complete grasp of spells and charms. But that wasn't the reason Severus secretly admired the man so.

He looked out the window into the darkness.

Remus did not judge him. Ever. He wasn't annoyingly understanding like Dumbledore was. He was just...aware. He had defended him countless times to the Order, all the while knowing Severus hated him for it. He understood what Severus's position was and knew what came with the territory. He never looked at Severus with pity or scorn. Humble to a fault, thought Severus shaking his head.

He clearly appreciated Severus making the Wolfsbane for him. He wasn't ignorant. They both knew exactly how much it cost to make the potion. The precious time alone it took to brew the potion, plus the cost of some of the more rare ingredients, surely did not go amiss to Remus. They both knew he would never be able to pay Severus for the potion.

Severus didn't care about payment, strangely. In fact, it had never even occurred to him to ask for payment of any kind. Perhaps it was those damn looks of appreciation he received each time he handed the wolf his potion.

But he knew, simply _knew_, that if Black was the one in need of the potion, not only would Severus had charged him the full price, he would have also made the mutt beg him for it. Oh yes, he would have made it, but it would certainly have come at a price.

Funny how he had never even thought of that with Remus. Maybe the werewolf had gotten to him long ago. He tried not to dwell on the disturbing thought. His mind hurt from thinking and for the hundredth time, he wondered where Remus was at the moment.

He really didn't wish to deal with this...mess. But he couldn't exactly ignore it either. Especially if they were to live together for another two weeks, _and with Potter_, he thought with a shudder.

***

Remus returned in the dead of night, somber and restless. Severus sat up straight in his chair when he heard the door open. He felt inexplicably relieved but did not move from his chair.

Remus must have seen the light on for he wandered into the library a moment later, giving Severus a blank look.

"Where were you?" Severus asked out of sheer curiosity.

"Shrieking Shack," Remus said in a dead voice.

Severus's eyes went wide briefly and he furrowed his brow. "Whatever for?"

"Because you're not the only one with personal demons, Severus."

The harsh, almost unrecognizable voice surprised Severus, who was used to a more optimistic Remus.

"I need a shower," Remus exclaimed, turning to leave.

"Remus, wait."

Remus spun around, a slight unaccustomed sneer on his lips. "Albus is right. Harry will be here soon and we can't go on like this. It would be inappropriate." He looked down briefly, then back at Severus. "I'm sorry for my harsh words earlier. I can only imagine what it must be like for you, dealing with everything else. You have more important matters to deal with."

Severus swallowed down an uncomfortable lump. He looked disbelievingly at Remus as he swept out of the room. His heart beat like thunder as he bolted off his chair and into the foyer. He looked to the giant staircase, watching as Remus slowly trudged upstairs.

Licking his lips, he had a split second to make up his mind, and he found himself speaking before he realized it.

"Remus, stop."

The werewolf paused briefly halfway up the stairs, but did not turn.

Severus approached the foot of the staircase, one hand on the banister.

"I'm...sorry, Remus. Whatever you think of me, I probably deserve it. And I certainly don't deserve your...friendship."

He heard Remus laugh softly. Finally the other man turned, looking down at Severus.

"You're a hard man to like, Severus. But I can't help it," he said sheepishly. "I like to think that everyone deserves to be happy once in a while." He saw the look of confusion and hesitation on Severus's face.

"Don't worry, Severus, I would never tell anyone what you're really like," he joked, earning him a familiar glare. He stared at the unspeaking dark figure for a minute.

"You look like you need a shower too, Severus." He turned around and walked the rest of the way up.

Severus stared wide-eyed at the retreating form. The invitation was about as subtle as Dumbledore's robes but it was, again, a way out for Severus. He bit his lip and, after a long pause, he went upstairs.

***

"And this one?" Remus trailed his finger slightly over the faded red line, crookedly meandering down Severus's back.

"Voldemort. A particularly nasty curse. My fault really- I invented it." Severus lay on his stomach, his arms folded under his chin. Remus lay on his side, one elbow propping him up, while the other hand ghosted occasionally over Severus's bare flesh.

Remus nodded solemnly. "And this small one?" he pointed to Severus's shoulder. Severus paused to remember. "Again, Voldemort, about a year ago."

"Why not heal them?" asked Remus curiously.

"Why not heal your own, Remus? Some scars should be left alone. And some never heal."

Remus nodded in understanding, then prodded Severus's bicep. "What about this one? It looks older than the rest." He trailed his finger gently over the jagged puckered scar, unaware of Severus's changed demeanor.

Severus swallowed before answering, averting his eyes.

"That one...was from you." He didn't dare look at Remus. There was no need for he could have guessed precisely what Remus looked like at the moment.

He heard Remus swallow. "I didn't know. I never even stopped to think..."

"I told Dumbledore not to say anything. After I found out that he wasn't kicking you _or_ Black out, I figured there was no point. I didn't want Black to hold it over me. Besides, it looks worse than it was."

Remus shook his head. "I could have killed you. Or worse; turned you."

Severus suppressed a shudder at _that_. "Clearly, I am perfectly fine."

Remus suddenly leaned forward, inches from Severus's face, and kissed the horrid scar. Severus gently nudged him away. "Don't get all sentimental on me, Lupin," he expressed with a smirk.

Remus smiled back. "My apologies, Severus."

Severus, propped up in the exact position as Remus, pointed to the werewolf's chest. "Are these all self inflicted?"

Remus reached down, pressing on his chest. "Most of them are. This one," he indicated with a finger, "was done by Sirius that night that he came to Hogwarts. I swear his teeth were sharper than mine," he laughed slightly.

Something that had been on Severus's mind for...ever, finally reached its inquisitive pique and he found himself asking Remus about it.

"I've always wondered you know. If you and Black were ever..." he trailed off, suddenly and foolishly embarrassed.

Remus, a look of understanding on his face suddenly laughed.

"No! No...He was, I assure you, strictly attached to the female sex. He was a tease and a flirt of the biggest magnitude." He smiled fondly in remembrance.

Severus looked away. He glanced at the mantle clock, noticing it was already quite late. Sighing, he pulled on the blankets, covering himself and Remus in the process.

"Are you going to sleep starkers again?"

"I suppose. It's ridiculously stifling in here, Remus. Don't you ever open the windows?" He shut his eyes as he relaxed against the pillows.

"But Severus, remember what happened last time? What if Dumbledore comes back again?"

Severus didn't open his eyes as he responded. "Oh, I'm sure you can handle it, Remus. Like last time..."

Remus cringed in remembrance. "Well, he did say he would be returning with Harry."

"Mmm."

Remus sighed and settled in. One arm snaked under the covers to lie on Severus's chest.

"Goodnight, Severus."

"Mmhmm."

Remus smiled in the darkness before drifting off to a peaceful sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Pairing: SS/RL

Author's notes: This is the second to last chapter. Enjoy!

For warnings, summary and disclaimer, see chapter 1.

* * *

"Remus!" an annoying and excruciatingly unnecessary voice screamed, shattering Severus's peaceful morning coffee ritual. Harry Potter ran towards the waiting werewolf, grabbing him into a fierce bear hug. Severus watched in veiled jealousy.

"Hullo, Harry. Good to see you." Remus ruffled Harry's already indistinguishable bird's nest affectionately.

"How have you been, Harry. I hope your relatives weren't too hard on you this summer." Harry shrugged. "You know, same old same old."

Severus thought the brat evaded the answer almost in a Slytherin-like manner. Quite satisfactory, Severus mused.

Severus watched as Dumbledore, Tonks and Moody shuffled into the kitchen, looking weary but alert. Moody spotted Severus at the table, drinking coffee and reading the Prophet.

"Snape. No summons lately?" He asked loudly.

"Wouldn't you like to know." Severus countered.

"Alastor..." Dumbledore warned. It was then that Harry saw Severus sitting there. He stiffly inclined his head with a not-so-subtle look of disdain.

"Professor."

Severus merely raised a brow. "Potter. How fortunate we are to be graced with your presence."

The definitely un-subtle glare that he threw at Severus only pleased the potions master. Perhaps the next two weeks would not be as excruciating as he thought.

Moody and Tonks left moments after, leaving the four men alone in the kitchen. Harry sat down next to Remus, and as far away from Severus as possible. Severus, for the most part, ignored the boy. He scanned the Prophet, not finding anything of interest, while calmly sipping his coffee.

"Well, I shall leave you to get settled in Harry," Dumbledore finally said. He stood, then turned around with a finger in the air.

"Oh, just one more thing, Harry. I realize you are still considered to be on holiday, but I must stress that while here, you will remember that Professor Snape is in charge."

Harry must have suspected as much, for he begrudgingly nodded, ignoring the triumphant look Severus was throwing him.

"Remus and Professor Snape will be here throughout the two weeks to assist you in whatever needs you may have. Your supplies for the new school year will be taken care of. I'm sure Professor Snape will have no problem whatsoever in helping you with your homework, should you need it. They are also here for your protection, Harry. I cannot stress that enough. You must not leave this place for even a moment."

"Of course, I understand sir," Harry replied, albeit a little morosely.

"Good," Dumbledore beamed. "Then I shall see you in a few days." He looked at the two older men. "Remus, Severus," he nodded, and left. As soon as Severus heard the door close, he got to his feet and stalked out of the room and down to his lab.

Harry watched him go, relieved to be away from his presence. Remus must have seen the look, for he chided Harry. "Harry, don't let him get to you. Professor Snape is here for your protection."

Harry scoffed. "What for? I have you here, why do we need him? And did he really spend the whole summer here?" he asked, incredulous.

"I appreciate the vote of confidence, but I am only one man, Harry. Professor Snape is more powerful than I am, and if something were to happen, he would know where to go first, I imagine. Not to mention, he brews my potion for me."

Harry still didn't look convinced. "Whatever you say, Remus. But we both know he's going to make the remainder of my summer a living hell."

Remus sighed. Harry, he is in living hell."

Harry frowned. "What do you mean?"

Remus, realizing he may have said more than he should have, tried to brush it off. "Nothing, Harry. Why don't you go up to your room and get unpacked. I'll make you something to eat.

Harry's frown only grew but he left Remus alone in the kitchen.

***

Severus finally left his lab, famished. He went to the kitchen, purposely towering over Harry, who was already seated, along with Remus.

"Severus, you saved me the trouble of calling you for dinner," Remus smiled cordially.

Severus sneered, taking his seat. "I certainly would not have you overexerting yourself, Lupin." He unfolded his white napkin, perfectly aware of the green eyes boring into him. Finally, he flicked his head in Harry's direction.

"By the way Potter," he began, neatly placing the napkin on his lap. "While you are here, you are to remain out of the basement and away from my bedroom at all times. If I even see you anywhere near those two areas, I assure you, the start of your school year will not be pleasant. Do I make myself clear?"

Harry violently picked up his fork, stabbing it into his chicken. "Perfectly, _sir_."

Pleased to note he had managed to irk the boy, Severus carefully and elegantly cut his chicken into small bits, languidly placing a bite into his mouth.

Remus wisely stayed out of their silent duel, happily eating his dinner.

"Remus, are Ron and Hermione coming before the start of school?" Harry asked as the meal winded down.

Severus glared, immediately answering. "That would be unwise. It would be too dangerous and the following two weeks will be unpredictable. We can't afford to have extra children to take care of," he finished mater-of-factly.

Harry glared at Severus. "I wasn't asking you, Snape, I was talking to Remus."

Severus calmly put down his fork, folding his hands in front of his plate.

"Unfortunately, Lupin has not been put in charge of your safety."

"I don't care!" Harry got to his feet. "This isn't your house, Snape!"

"Harry-"

"No! This is Sirius's home and, actually, it's _my _home now since he gave it to me, and you can't tell me if my friends can or cannot stay here."

Severus regarded Harry calmly, before slowly getting to his feet.

"Potter, lest I remind you, you are not of age, and, therefore cannot legally _own_ any property. Therefore, as it stands currently, I. Am. In. Charge," he punctuated, silently amused by Harry's anger.

"Remus...Say something."

Sighing, Remus regarded his Godson. "Harry, we'll talk about your friends at a later time. In the meantime, Professor Snape is in charge," he finished calmly.

Harry stared wide-eyed, incredulous at what he was hearing.

"Remus, you're supposed to be on my side here! Not his!" He pointed threateningly at Severus, who continued to stare expressionless at the proceeding. "He's the reason Sirius is dead, and all you can say is, _he's in charge_!" he finished frantically.

Remus rose to his feet, his eyes darkening. "Harry, don't bring Sirius into this. Severus had nothing-"

Harry refused to listen to another word as he stormed out of the room, door slamming.

Remus sighed heavily. Severus merely picked up his plate and brought it to the sink.

"Get the brat under control, Lupin."

Remus turned to face the other man. "Severus, if you didn't bate him so..."

"Oh, so it's my fault he can't restrain himself."

"Severus, his Godfather died a few months ago, this can't be easy for him, being back here."

Severus scoffed. "How is he supposed to defeat the Dark Lord when he can't even control his own emotions? Voldemort will wipe the floor clean with him," he said in all seriousness.

Remus sighed once more. "I'll speak to him. In the meantime, please don't say anything to him, especially anything to do with Sirius." He gave Severus a knowing look.

"Oh please, as if I would willingly speak of that mutt." He left the kitchen after that, going down to his lab, and away from Potter and his accusing eyes.

***

The next two days were a strain for everybody. Severus no longer took his meals with Remus and Harry, choosing to eat in the lab. Remus was courteous enough to bring his meals down.

Harry was apparently still peeved at Remus to even talk to him, and he kept to his room or the library.

Severus left his stifling laboratory, empty plate and glass in hand. He walked into the kitchen, sneering at seeing Harry there, sitting at the table. The boy looked up at him in surprise, then ignored him by looking back down to his plate.

Severus walked around towards the sink, and stopped with a jar. The dish clattered to the floor, followed by the cup, shards of sharp glass shattering across the entire floor. He immediately braced his palms on the countertop, leaning forward. He bit down on his lip to prevent the hiss of pain that was just at the tip of his tongue.

The uncommonly strong summons was practically eating at his flesh and he turned to Harry, who looked at him in dawning realization.

He brusquely pushed past the boy, practically stumbling up the stairs.

"Remus!"

The werewolf peeked outside of his room, a panicked expression following.

Severus stumbled to his door, whipping out his wand and barely whispering the required passwords. He lurched forward past the open door, and immediately Remus was by his side, already going for the closet door.

He found the secret box and took out the robe and mask for Severus, who took them with shaking fingers.

"Severus, it looks bad..."

"Something has happened," was all he said before donning his robe. Mask in hand, he stumbled out of his room and past a bewildered Harry. Looking back, he spoke to Remus.

"Watch the boy. I- I'm not sure when I'll return." He looked at Remus a beat longer, then raced downstairs, and out the front door.

Remus sighed as the dark figure stormed out of Grimmauld Place. Harry looked up at him, concerned.

"Remus, how often does he get summoned?"

"I don't keep count, Harry. Even once is enough." He sounded more severe than he intended, but Harry seemed to understand.

"It looked painful." Harry remarked. "I thought he was going to pass out in the kitchen."

"Harry, his resilience is astounding to witness. Don't tell me you're concerned?" he asked with a wink, trying to keep it lighthearted.

Harry scoffed, but it seemed half-hearted. "My concern is for the Order, Remus. It just seems...dangerous that we're relying on one man."

Remus looked down at his godson. "Don't tell me you don't trust him, Harry. Because I assure you, he gets enough scorn from Moody at the meetings."

"I...trust him, Remus, I do. It's just that...Voldemort is powerful, more so than Snape. Even one slip-up and everything could be revealed."

Remus sighed, silently agreeing but not wanting to dwell on the possibility. "Severus doesn't slip up. He knows what's at stake."

Harry looked up curiously at Remus. "He called you 'Remus'."

Remus swallowed slightly. "That is my name, Harry."

Harry said nothing for a while. Then he turned to Remus with a forlorn look. "I'm sorry about the other day, Remus. I was upset. I feel like I've been left in the dark again and...just this place. I guess I still miss him."

Remus placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. "Of course you do, Harry. As do I. And you will, for a very long time. But Sirius knew the risks, as we all do. He fought for you. And he wouldn't want you to be angry with yourself. Or the wrong person," he looked pointedly at Harry, who looked away.

"I suppose that was an unfair thing to say to him. I...know he isn't responsible for Sirius's death. I guess it's just easy to blame him."

"Harry, you're old enough now to realize that bickering and needless fighting amongst allies is getting no one anywhere. Mutual dislike is perhaps inevitable, but false accusations are never a good idea. Especially when people look to your actions." Harry looked up at him in surprise.

"Yes, Harry. People will follow your lead, sometimes subconsciously. Severus gets enough animosity from his peers and Order Members."

Harry found himself nodding. He may not like it, but he knew it was true.

Remus grabbed Harry by the shoulders, looking him straight in the eye.

"Who killed Sirius?" he demanded.

Harry swallowed, unbidden tears forming behind his lids.

"Bellatrix... and ultimately, Voldemort."

Remus smiled down at Harry, though his eyes were cold. "Good, Harry."

He stepped back, looking at the younger man. "Severus may never respond in kind, or acknowledge it, but I'm sure he would appreciate an apology."

Harry, wiping his eyes, nodded once.

Remus left him upstairs while he went to alert Dumbledore, and wait for Severus to return.

***

The dawn's rays cracked through the sky at the same time Severus walked back into Grimmauld Place. His face was stony and his gait was slow and mechanical. He also wasn't surprised to find a concerned-looking werewolf waiting by the foot of the stairs.

Severus tried to glare but found the effort not worth it. Beyond exhausted, he glanced at the daunting staircase before changing direction and heading into the library instead. Remus predictably followed.

Severus plopped on the nearest chair, eyes staring into nothingness. He felt the wolf's presence by his side and once again could muster no ill will.

"Are you hurt?" The voice was clipped but still held that ever present note of concern.

Severus shook his head, not looking at the man hovering over him.

"What happened, Severus? I was about to call Albus."

This time Severus did sneer. "Do not trouble yourself, Lupin. I know what I am doing. Or were you so concerned I perished and would no longer have a source to obtain your precious Wolfesbane?" he finished bitterly, glaring up at Remus.

Lupin blinked at the change of topic, his eyebrow dipping as he stared back at Severus. Speechless and slightly stung, he shook his head and calmly turned to leave.

He heard a deep sigh behind him. "Lupin, wait. I...apologies. I have just spent the entire night witness to something that no one should experience and did not mean to take it out on you." His voice, clearly weary, even apologetic, made Remus turn, releasing a sigh of his own.

He shook off the apology. "What happened, Severus?"

A flicker of hesitation crossed Snape's face before he turned away. "I would rather wait until the next meeting. I do not wish to relive it more than once." He looked up at Remus. "Though, you can well imagine..." he trailed off, knowing Remus would not question him further.

He watched Remus audibly swallow, his Adam's apple bobbing over his collar.

"Go to bed, Lupin, I am fine." He walked past the werewolf and slowly made his way up to his own room. Remus watched with a frown, wishing Harry wasn't two floors up. He would have loved nothing more than to comfort Severus in any way the other man would let him. Instead, suddenly tired himself, he too went upstairs and to bed.

It was nearly two in the afternoon when Remus finally dragged himself out of bed. Only the thought of Harry, unsupervised and wandering alone made him finally unravel himself from his bedding and trudge downstairs. He went to the kitchen for a much needed cup of coffee and was surprised to find Harry seated at the table.

The younger man looked up as the werewolf entered, looking slightly sheepish. He glanced over to the wall clock and then back to Harry.

"Good afternoon, Harry. I apologies for sleeping in." He took am empty seat at the table and rubbed at his eyes slightly.

"Remus, did you even go to bed last night?" Harry asked with a frown.

Remus smiled crookedly. "Not 'til dawn."

"How is he?" Remus didn't need to ask who 'he' was. He sighed.

"He's had a trying night. Fortunately, he was not injured. Just tired and upset. Has he come down?"

Harry shook his head, a blank look on his face. It was then that Remus noticed all the books and parchment surrounding Harry.

"What is all this?"

"Homework." Harry cringed. "To be completed before the start of school."

Remus smiled in understanding. "Is there anything you need help with?"

Harry sighed, looking down. "It's not all that bad. Well, expect my potions assignment." He looked visibly ill.

"Ah, of course," Remus said with another smile. "Perhaps you can ask Professor Snape for some help. I am sure he would not object."

Harry looked positively aghast at the suggestion, but realized the Remus was not actually joking.

"I-can't, Remus. He would...kill me if I asked him."

"Harry, he is your professor. He is not going to kill you for asking a homework question. That is one of the reasons he is here, you know. And, I'm afraid I could not help you with that subject either." He was lying, he knew. Back in school, he was actually pretty good at potions. However, he really wanted to see if Harry would go to Severus himself. He smiled encouragingly.

Harry just grimaced. "Well, I suppose I could try, though-"

His words were cut off as Snape stormed into the kitchen, violently slamming the swinging door against the wall. He ignored Remus and immediately sneered down at Harry, who visibly cowered. Remus sighed.

Severus went straight for the pot of hot coffee, grabbing a mug and loudly setting it on the counter.

"Severus, would you be so kind as to pour me a cup?" Remus asked kindly.

Snape stiffened, but, to Harry's shock, grabbed another mug and sloshed the coffee into it. He then turned and plopped one mug in front of Remus, who gave him a nod of thanks. Harry's eyes bulged and he tried not to grimace as Snape took a seat at the table as well.

Uncomfortable silence ensued. Severus stared off into the distance, every so often taking a sip of coffee. Harry sat perfectly still, his quill practically snapping at his death grip. Remus smiled into his coffee at the obvious discomfort.

Suddenly, he carefully kicked Harry under the table. Harry, brows furrowed sharply glanced at Remus in question. Remus gestured with his eyes to his homework, then subtly at Snape.

Harry looked pleadingly afraid for a moment, but Remus just nodded slightly, and drank his coffee.

Harry, muscling up some courage, took a deep breath and coughed slightly.

"Professor Snape, sir?

Black eyes that seemed so far away moments ago immediately snapped to Harry's, narrowing ever so slightly. He pursed his lips in obvious distaste, taking in Harry as if he were rubbish at the bottom of his shoe.

"Yes, Potter?" Disdain dripped from every syllable but Harry held still.

"I er, was wondering if...you would be able to answer a question I had about my potions homework." The last few words had come out in a hasty jumble and the boy visibly held his breath, already awaiting the predictable response.

Remus carefully watched the exchange, though Snape's face revealed nothing but usual suspicion and scorn.

Severus calmly took another sip of his coffee, then set it down on the table, his eyes skimming over the large tomes on the table.

"I do not have the time to deal with your questions right now, Potter. I have potions to brew."

Remus saw the immediate disappointment in the boy's eyes, and was about to berate Snape himself for the foolishness, but Snape apparently wasn't finished.

"However, if you are still inclined, I may have a free moment later in the evening."

Harry spun his head in shock at Snape, who was already on his feet, spilling the rest of his coffee down the sink. He spun around and starting heading back to the door but Harry's words stopped him in his tracks.

"Thank you, sir. I would appreciate it." Remus held his breath and only released it after Snape nodded in acknowledgement and walked out. He turned and smiled at a pale looking Harry.

"Well done, Harry."

Harry didn't look all that pleased. "He's still a foul git," he stated forcefully.

Remus just smiled. "Of course." Harry looked up and smirked. "Yea."

***

"...and that is why no other flavor can be added, for it will immediately cancel out the effects of the potion, rendering it utterly pointless. Do you understand, Potter?"

Harry looked up from his textbook to the waiting potions master. "Is that why Remus always says the Wolfesbane tastes so awful? Because you can't really do anything about the taste?"

"Indeed. Of course, when I brew it, I have my own formula, if you will, but nothing I have experimented with has worked in regards to flavoring the potion." Severus blinked as if he hadn't meant to say so much, and to Potter at that. But Harry merely nodded in understanding.

"I-thank you sir, for the help. I think I can finish this bit of homework up now." They had, in fact been speaking for more than an hour, even veering slightly off course from the actual homework assignment. Harry did have to admit, the man knew what he was talking about. When it came to potions anyway.

Snape nodded and turned to go. When he got to the doorway, he turned back slightly, watching Harry work on his homework.

"Perhaps...Miss Granger can assist you more thoroughly when she arrives next week."

Harry's head snapped up in shock, his mouth forming a smile, yet disbelieving. "Really?"

Snape's face revealed nothing, but he slowly nodded, turning back to the door.

"And Ron?"

Snape paused, his hand on the knob. He turned with a raised brow at Harry's hopeful expression. He barely refrained from rolling his eyes. "God forbid I separate the Golden Trio." He walked out of the room and away from Harry's grinning face, but was stopped a moment later by the familiar voice calling his name.

He turned in the hall, clearly annoyed. Potter slowly walked up to him, his jaw set and determined. Severus silently was pleased at their height difference. Though nearly a man, Potter would never be tall and Severus internally reveled at the thought.

"Yes, Potter?" he asked, exasperated.

Harry's eyes flickered downwards, and Snape could sense his discomfort. The emerald eyes sparkled with determination as he finally looked into the eyes of the older man.

"Professor, I know this won't mean much to you, and you probably don't care...but I need to tell you that...I'm sorry." Snape's brow rose but he remained silent.

"About what I said before. I...don't blame you for Sirius's death. I know it's not your fault." His eyes took on a distressed gleam to them before returning back to determined.

"I didn't mean it, and...I'm sorry." He refused to look away from Snape's unforgiving onyx eyes. After what seemed like hours, Snape finally spoke.

"Your apology is unnecessary-" Harry looked crestfallen. -"but noted."

Harry's eyes widened but Snape was already stalking off. Harry found himself shrugging, slightly disappointed, but not really surprised. Snape was Snape, and he was lucky not to have his head bitten off. Oh well, he thought, school hasn't started yet...


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Pairing: SS/RL

Warning: This chapter includes some minor NC-17 content as well as language.

Author's notes: This is the last chapter- I hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews! For warnings, summary and disclaimer, see chapter 1.

* * *

The amassed crowd wore identical looks of horror as they took in Snape's account of his latest summons. True to form, he did nothing to sugarcoat the situation and Remus wondered, not for the first time, if the man had even an ounce of decorum. A second later, he was chiding himself for thinking so.

All he had to do was remember Severus's expressionless face as he staggered into Grimmauld Place. He sighed for the twentieth time, rubbing his eyes in frustration.

Dumbledore looked grave as he regarded Severus, the perpetual jovial expression all but gone. Even McGonagall's usual icy demeanor was shattered as she stared wide-eyed at Snape. Only Moody didn't look quite as shocked as the rest. Or perhaps he was used to anticipating the worst.

Remus was expecting to hear something horrific; Snape all but promised him, but even he was dismayed and ill to his stomach after hearing Snape's tale.

Voldemort, apparently simply could not wait to try out Snape's new potion and even invited his loyal death eaters to help him experiment. A half-way home was the chosen location. Women of all ages and even children were the desired victims. Remus shut his eyes against the images, but his mind only conjured more.

"Thank you, Severus. I am only sorry you had to be a witness to such horrors." Dumbledore placed a hand on Severus's shoulder and for the first time, Severus barely noticed it. It must be troubling indeed, thought Remus.

Moody scoffed none-to-quietly. "So I assume you had to join in their activities, eh Snape?"

The normally placid, stoic man turned a dark glare at the auror.

"I would be very careful with whatever comes out of your mouth next, Moody," he stated with deadly calm.

"Is that a threat, Snape?"

"Yes."

Moody was on his feet at the same time Dumbledore and Remus and even Molly stood up. Severus remained seated, a dark expression on his face.

"Alastor, this is not helping. Must we do this every time?" Dumbledore sounded exasperated and Remus threw a glare at Moody.

"Alastor, how could you say such things to Severus? He is the one that has to deal with all of these monstrosities." Molly stood, hands on hips berating Moody like one of her children. Moody was non-pulsed.

"It's because he's there! The man lifted his own wand to those innocent people- that makes it even worse in my eyes! Instead of helping, he's actually adding to the problem!"

The room was suddenly extremely quiet with all eyes on Moody and Severus.

"Moody, he's doing this for the Order. For us. Certain sacrifices are expected, and you know this!" Remus decided he couldn't just sit silent, not when prejudices were evident.

"What's it to you, Lupin? Why you on his side all of a sudden?"

Remus glared. "We're all supposed to be on the same side here!" He couldn't help the sudden rage. The full moon was upon them and the agitation grew with each passing minute. Moody must have sensed it as well.

"Careful there, Lupin. Don't start barkin' at me."

Remus started, blinking at Moody. He noticed Severus standing out of the corner of his eye.

"Careful yourself, Moody. You do not want a werewolf's wrath this close to the full moon. I would be extremely cautious with what you say from now on," he spat, still glaring.

Moody, briefly throwing a hesitant glance towards Remus, coughed gruffly, then backed away from the table.

"Albus, this is ridiculous and I got work to do. I'll see you at the next meeting." He left immediately after, mumbling on his way out.

"Remus. Remus?"

Remus blinked, unaware that he had been glaring at Moody's retreating figure for some time. He turned to see a worried-looking Dumbledore eying him cautiously. He also didn't fail to see the dark look Severus was throwing him. He sighed deeply and sat back down.

Order members began filing out and soon it was just a small handful of people left. Molly left to call Harry in for dinner and Severus immediately departed to his room.

"Remus, are you alright?" asked Dumbledore a few moments later.

Remus nodded, leaning back in his chair. "I'm fine."

Harry walked in a couple of minutes later, followed by Molly and McGonagall with the dinner. Once everything was on the table, the assembled party started eating.

"Professor Dumbledore, will I be able to join the Order soon?" Harry looked expectedly at the Headmaster, mid bite.

"Harry, perhaps now is not the best time to discuss this." He saw the look on Harry's face and smiled slightly. "Don't worry my boy, we _will_ discuss this. But not today."

Harry nodded, looking dejected. Remus found that he had no appetite. He picked at his food before excusing himself. Dumbledore stopped him at the door.

"Remus, would you like me check up on you in the morning?" Remus automatically looked down at his wrist watch, sighing at the time.

"No, that's not necessary. Severus is here, in case anything happens. I appreciate the thought, Albus. But I'm used to it." His smile was tired as he regarded Dumbledore, who nodded and soon departed himself.

Remus was half-way up the stairs when he was stopped again, this time by Harry.

"Remus, are you going to be alright?"

"Yes, Harry. I'm just going to fetch my potion from Severus and then retire to my room for the night. I'm going to lock and ward it so if you require anything or if something happens, go immediately to Professor Snape's room."

Harry nodded and after a beat, went back downstairs. Sighing, he climbed the stairs and went to his room. He was utterly surprised to find Severus sitting in a chair by the fireplace. The man did not look up at him as Remus entered, nor did he turn when he heard the door shut.

"Severus?" Remus looked down and noticed the vial held tight in Snape's hands. He stepped closer to the seated man.

"Severus?" he tried again. The other man finally turned his head, staring up at the confused-looking werewolf. Slowly, he extended his arm, holding out the Wolfsbane for Remus.

Carefully, Remus took in from his hands, nodding his thanks. There was at least three more hours until moonrise, but he uncorked the stopper and downed the potion in one gulp. His brows dipped at the aftertaste, realizing at once that the potion tasted different from normal. It was still vile and thick, but there was something else.

"It is a very mild pain reliever, for the actual transformation. It will only last until you turn, not for the turn back." Severus stated.

Lupin, stunned, looked down at the potions master, who continued to stare at the unlit fireplace.

"Thank you, Severus." He would have said more, but he knew Severus wouldn't appreciate the sentiments, no matter how true they were.

Snape nodded.

"I-want to thank you, for coming to my defense earlier. Moody wasn't just grating on my nerves, I'm sure. I thought Molly would get to him before I did," Remus laughed nervously.

"I have no wish to see anyone standing up for me. Especially a werewolf on the full moon. I am perfectly capable of defending myself. Especially regarding an oaf like Moody."

Remus regarded Severus with a frown. Yes, he had, once again come to Snape's defense. But then again, so had Severus. Unexpectedly. But he could see Remus's inner wolf coming out when he should have kept it caged. Remus didn't know whether Severus was upset with himself or with Remus.

"I would say I'm sorry, but I'm not." Remus was tired and for some reason, upset. He was agitated and restless and he knew it wasn't completely because of the upcoming full moon. He sat down on the edge of the bed when Severus didn't say anything.

Remus rubbed at his eyes, then ran a hand threw his shaggy hair.

"Tell me something, Lupin. Do you believe as Moody does, that I am wrong to participate in the Dark Lord's plans? Or that I simply have no choice in the matter?"

Remus listened to the listless voice, surprised by the question. "Everyone has a choice. I know for a fact that you can choose to stop spying any time you want to. But I will not deign to ask you why you have not. It is not my place. I will not question your motives."

Severus turned to Remus for the first time. "Why?" he asked, seemingly shocked by Remus's answer.

Remus sighed loudly. "Because Severus. I think you think you know what you're doing. Albus does as well. You are a very smart man, Severus. I think if you knew there was a way out, you would take it. I didn't lie before. You're doing this for the greater good. And bad shit comes with the territory, if you will. You do what you think you must. I am not going to argue with that."

Severus continued to stare, incredulous to Remus's remarks.

"Even if it means I have to kill and damn myself for all eternity?"

"Like I said, you could stop anytime you wanted to. I think," he said carefully, "that you do not want to disappoint Albus, or the Order."

Severus looked away, hands folded. "It is too late for that."

"That's not true. I don't think you could disappoint Albus if you tried. And I know he doesn't force you to make my Wolfsbane for me."

"Don't change the subject, Lupin."

Remus smiled. "I don't think I could have survived it, without the Wolfsbane. I can't even begin to describe to you-"

"Please don't. I have no need of your overly sentimental proclamations."

Remus laughed slightly. "Very well, I won't subject you to them then." He glanced out the window, just barely feeling his skin starting to itch with anticipation. He sighed, turning back to Snape, who was watching him with a blank expression.

"You'd better leave now, Severus. I still need to ward the room."

Snape made no move to leave and Remus cast a confused look in the man's direction.

"Severus?"

"I would...like to stay."

Remus's eyes bulged out of his sockets and his jaw went slack. Quickly recovering lest he started drooling, he stood and carefully made his way over to the seated potions master.

"Pardon?"

"You heard me, Lupin."

"Severus, I don't think-"

"I already knew that."

Remus blinked at the sudden jest, shaking his head slightly in amazement.

"Severus, why would you want to witness that?"

Snape stayed quiet for the longest time. Then: "I need to."

Remus cautiously kneeled down in front of the seated man. "Severus, you don't need to prove anything, to anyone."

Severus sneered slightly at the werewolf. "Oh please, Lupin, don't flatter yourself. It is merely for experimental purposes. For the Wolfsbane." He looked away and Remus found himself trying to stifle a smile.

"Of course, Severus," he managed to say. "You may stay if you wish."

Severus just nodded stiffly.

Remus knew that the full moon wasn't for a couple of hours, and also knew that Severus realized the fact as well. He had no idea why the man was here this early, but now that he had him, he didn't want to let him go.

"Severus, there is still some time. Can I persuade you to play a game of chess with me?" He held his breath, looking at the passive man.

"Fine," Severus said, almost distracted. Eyebrows raised to his hairline, Remus pulled out his board from under the bed and proceeded to set it up on the nearest tabletop.

"Come on, Severus."

Snape paused a moment before grabbing his chair and joining Remus at the table.

An hour later, Remus frowned at the board. Severus was a couple of moves from winning and Remus was surprised that the man was even able to concentrate. Remus prided himself at being quite good at chess, but apparently, he had never played against Severus. He sighed at Severus's slight smirk.

He moved a knight, knowing it was useless. Sure enough, a 'check mate' was pronounced a moment later. He glared up at Severus, who was still smirking.

He waved the board away, frustrated. "God, Severus. When do you even have the time to play?" he grumbled, more to himself.

Severus's smirk only increased. "I actually have not played in some time."

"Mmm," Remus said, not entirely believing that for a second. He glanced down at his watch and then at Severus, who stared back at him, completely expressionless.

"You can still leave, Severus."

Severus opened his mouth as if to say something, but closed it and just shook his head instead. Remus nodded. He stood and slowly unbuttoned his shirt. Severus watched him in detached silence. The trousers were lowered and kicked off, followed by the underpants. Remus stood completely nude in front of Snape.

Severus's eyes were glued to Remus's body. He took in every scratch and scar as he roamed the plains of the werewolf's body, almost as if seeing it for the first time. He didn't move from his chair, even when Remus backed away, going to the other end of the room.

"Are you in pain?" a whispered voice asked.

Remus, crouched on the soft carpet, slowly shook his head. "No, the pain doesn't start until the actual transformation.

"What's happening right now?" asked Severus, in an oddly curious tone.

"My heart rate has increased. My senses are more pronounced. I can smell the aftershave that you put on just this morning," he added with an almost feral smirk.

Severus swallowed and nodded. He sat perfectly still as he watched Remus's breathing grow more labored with each passing minute.

Suddenly, pleading eyes turned to the potions master. "Severus, please, whatever you see, don't be alarmed. I...I'm not going to hurt you. But I'm warning you, the transformation is not a pretty sight."

If anything, Severus blanched at the statement, but stayed rooted to his chair.

"How long?" he asked in a low voice.

Remus took in the slightly hitched breathing and the gleam of sweat on the man's dark brow. Dilated pupils stared into black ones.

"Now." He shut his eyes as he felt the rays of the moon without ever seeing them. A low pained moan escaped his mouth and he fell to his knees, hands grabbing at the carpet underneath him.

Severus automatically shot off his chair and went as far away from the changing creature as possible. He stayed very close to the exit door, just in case. He thought he could sit through it, but memories assaulted his mind as soon as Remus fell to the floor, a growl ripped from his changing lips.

Severus watched wide-eyed, frozen to the spot as Remus changed in front of his eyes from a full grown mild-mannered male to a tall, grotesque wolf-like creature. His eyes took in the fur sprouting over every inch of naked flesh, heard the bones crunch out of place, then into place.

He watched as razor sharp claws began protruding from what used to be hands. Large dark paws, speckled with silver now stood strongly on the floor, the hind legs of a large dog still crouched on the carpet. The large snout sniffed down and around before the animal raised his head and immediately turned its full attention to the man on the other end of the room.

Unnatural red amber eyes blinked at the potions master, his back to the door, his arm just itching to reach for his wand.

A light yelp escaped the large muzzle and Snape's hand reached instinctively for the door handle. The wolf cocked his head to the side and stuck his long beaded tongue out. Severus blinked and swallowed.

Finally, Remus the wolf sat back on its haunches, his front paws perfectly placed in front of him. He looked expectedly at the potions master, completely oblivious to the other man's discomfort.

Severus stared at the overgrown creature sitting there like a placid dog and released a shaky breath. After a full minute deliberating his move, he finally called to the wolf.

"Remus?" He cursed how weak his voice sounded. He only hoped Remus wouldn't remember after he transformed.

The werewolf cocked his head at the familiar name. Severus's eyes widened as he saw the wolf's tale wagging happily behind him.

"Oh god..." Severus wiped the sweat from his forehead and inched away from the door. Hands still shaking and heart beating faster than at any death eater meeting, he approached his previous spot in front of the fireplace and slowly sat down, eyes never wavering from the unnatural creature mere feet away.

The werewolf suddenly arched his back in an overemphasized stretch and rolled over on his back, paws in the air, an expectant look aimed at Severus.

Eyes wide, Severus took in the animal that was twice the size of him, prostrating himself like a baby puppy.

"You can't be serious..." Apparently, the wolf was as he rolled back over, body stretched out on the floor, head over his paws. Large pleading eyes eyed Snape once more.

Swallowing down his nerves, while at the same time cursing his weakness, Snape eased out of his chair and towered over the wolf before ever so slowly crouching down on the floor. He saw the tail wag once more and he nearly rolled his eyes.

Cautiously, he reached forward with trembling fingers and slowly stroked the top of Remus's head. The fur underneath his fingers felt stiff and scratchy but not entirely unpleasant. The wolf continued to lay still so Severus moved his hand to the wolf's back, noticing the fur felt softer there, even wavier.

Apparently, Remus-the-wolf liked the ministrations as he nudged his nose almost playfully against Severus's knee, rubbing his snout back and forth. Severus watched wide-eyed at the shameless display.

Up close the wolf appeared like a formidable monster, enormous and deadly looking. But as Severus continued to slowly pet the wolf, he realized that it was all just an illusion.

The wolf was tame he knew, because of the Wolfsbane. It was Remus underneath all the fur. And the thought calmed Snape until he was fully seated next to the creature, slowly petting his back and even his belly.

"You are not so frightening, you realize. Look at you, begging for attention like a common mutt," Severus teased slightly.

Remus cocked his head and stuck his large tongue out, licking the entirety of Snape's hand. Severus paused, looking slightly appalled. Frowning, he carefully disengaged himself from the wolf and backed away a few steps. He reached into his pocket finding a clean handkerchief. Still glaring down at the werewolf, he wiped his hand clean, throwing the handkerchief on the floor.

Suddenly tired, he went to the bed, lying down over the covers. Fully clothed, he fell asleep in moments.

Never one for sleeping in, Severus awoke at mid-dawn. His body stiffened immediately at the heavy weight pressed against his side. Looking down, he grimaced as he noticed the werewolf had apparently decided to join Severus in his rest last night. The wolf was napping contentedly, one massive paw over Snape's chest.

Severus was about to move out of the way but a sudden yelp from the wolf startled him into stillness. The wolf's eyes popped open and he tried to raise himself on his front paws. Suddenly realizing what was happening, Severus lay perfectly still, watching in awe as the werewolf slowly, and painfully, transformed back into a man.

The sharp claws disappeared into the furless skin, the muzzle, shortening and completely disappearing, the unnatural and sickening sound of bones rearranging themselves; all of this amazed and horrified Snape as he watched in sick fascination.

Finally, after an agonizing five minutes, a pale naked Remus lay across the bed, head down, his breathing labored, his body drenched in sweat.

Severus sat up, speechless until Remus raised his head in confusion at Severus's presence.

"Are you alright?" Snape blurted.

Remus just nodded, brow furrowing. He seemed to notice that he was suddenly quite nude and laying quite close to a fully dressed Snape. He moved to shift away but Severus grabbed his wrist, keeping him in place.

"Were you here all night?" Remus asked, his voice hoarse.

"Yes. I told you I would stay."

Something passed over Remus's face but was gone just as quick. He looked down at the coverlet, steadying his breathing.

"Remus?" Severus whispered.

"I'm sorry, Severus. I-I haven't had anyone with me during my change since...Sirius. I've forgotten how much I missed it."

Severus nodded in understanding. He slowly reached up and raked his fingers through Remus's shaggy hair, still slick with sweat. Remus looked up in alarm.

"Severus?"

"I suppose I needed that." Remus didn't ask what 'that' was. He could have guessed. He could only have imagined what Severus was feeling last night.

"I'm glad." He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Severus's. The other man took hold of both sides of Remus's face and pressed him even closer. Lupin straddled Snape's waist as their tongues danced and dueled. A moan was uttered, a hiss of pleasure as Remus tilted his head back from the delicious friction of his naked body against Snape's fully clothed one.

Snape, realizing the position, grabbed both of Remus's hips and rocked him hard over his straining erection. He needed to get his clothes off, but he loved to mercilessly tease Remus.

"This is...not usual for me..." Remus panted between kisses. "I'm usually quite exhausted."

Snape did pause then, looking the other man in the eye. "Do you wish to rest?" he asked sincerely.

Dilated pupils glared wildly back at him. "I wish for you to fuck me. Now."

Snape groaned low and moved quick, holding still of Remus's body and rolling him over so that he was now straddling the werewolf. Remus was already reaching up and unbuttoning Snape's shirt.

"Damn it, Severus! Why must you wear such impractical clothing?" he hissed in frustration.

Snape just smirked. "Patience is a virtue."

"Fuck patience. Just get these off!" Remus bucked underneath Severus to make his point.

Snape smirked wider and whispered a spell. Remus moaned at the sudden touch of body heat. Severus lay over Remus, as naked as the other man.

"Yes..."

"Are you ready, Remus?"

"_Yes_."

Severus leaned down, kissing Remus as he positioned himself. Another wandless spell and they were both ready. Remus knew he had never had a better recovery before. He could get used to it.

***

"We had better get out of bed and go downstairs. Harry might be wondering what was taking so long."

Severus frowned. "Let him wonder. I doubt even he could get into major trouble within an hour."

Remus smiled. "Careful there. You may jinx yourself. It is Harry after all."

"Mmm."

Severus lay flat on his back, Remus on his side. It was a familiar position and once again, Remus found himself wishing for this with regularity.

"Severus? Do you think you will ever be rid of Voldemort?"

Remus saw the brows furrow slightly. "Don't you mean will _we_ ever be rid of him?"

"No. I mean, do you think you would be able to leave him? If you absolutely had to?"

Severus slowly turned his head to look at the serious eyes. "No. It is not that simple. He will find me, no matter where I am." He lifted his arm and Remus saw, not for the first time, the black ugly tattoo that was Severus's greatest regret. He nodded solemnly in understanding. Until Voldemort was truly killed, Severus would always be vulnerable.

"But if you mean if my cover was blown, would I be able to survive?...Then yes. Pain is manageable. He could hurt me, but he couldn't kill me."

Remus stared again at the grotesque snake on Snape's forearm and he felt rage building.

"Why are you asking me this?"

Remus turned back to Severus's face. "Nothing, never mind."

"Lupin." A warning. Severus didn't like people to play with his emotions. Remus sighed.

"I have...no wish for anything to happen to you." There. It was as much of an admission as Snape would probably allow. And even then, he wasn't so sure he should have said anything.

Snape was silent for a moment, his eyes slowly searching Remus's face. He swallowed before responding. "Because then there would be no one to brew you your potion."

Remus threw him a dark glare, but noticed the slight humour in Snape's eyes.

"Damn it, Severus..." he whispered harshly, moving off the bed. A strong grip on his wrist gave him pause. He turned his head, a tired, frustrated expression thrown at Snape.

"Well, I suppose I need to stay alive, if only to brew it for you."

Remus sighed, annoyed. "Severus, if you can't be serious..."

The grip tightened. "I am always serious."

"What are you saying? That when you go back to Hogwarts next week, that you would wish for this continue?" he gestured between them.

Severus sighed and plopped back down on the bed, eyes closed. "I suppose...if I had the time..."

Remus swallowed, not daring to question further. "Well, I suppose Albus will schedule the Order meetings for the weekends."

"Probably."

"And of course, you would be here, for those meetings."

"Yes, of course."

"And, well, if I have the time, I could always visit Hogwarts. It will be quite lonely here, by myself..."

"Indeed."

Remus held his breath. "And you would not be opposed to...a visit every now and then...

"Remus. We are both grown men. If you have a question to ask, stop dancing around it and ask it." His voice was not entirely rebuking, his features still slack and relaxed.

"Very well. I shall like to see you more often. Whether it be here after meetings, or in your private rooms at Hogwarts, if you will let me."

A heavy sigh escaped Snape's lips and for a second, Remus doubted his actions.

"I suppose, that can be arranged."

Remus blinked and stilled for fear he heard incorrectly. But the words sounded the same in his mind. He coughed slightly.

"Well, I'm glad we got that straightened out." He smiled uncertainly, and slowly moved off the bed. He found his clothing and proceeded to get dressed. He looked back to the bed and noticed Snape's eyes on him. He half-smiled and finished buttoning his shirt. Snape was still watching him intently so he raised his brows in question.

Severus just shook his head. "You had better go down first."

Remus nodded, heading to the door.

"Remus." The werewolf turned back almost hesitantly.

"Albus need not know, of course." Remus swallowed but nodded.

"Of course. You do not need to worry about discretion, Severus." He walked out of the room and lazily made his way downstairs.

A stream of emotions were bubbling in the deep recesses of his mind, all jumbled. He was glad Severus was willing to continue whatever it is they had. The fact that the man wanted it to be as discreet as possible also did not surprise him.

But he knew, simply knew that Severus would remain distant and aloof in regards to him when in the presence of others, only letting go of his front when they were in bed. The thought ached slightly but, he mused, at least I've got this. _If it's the best I can get, then I'm going to take it. _

The End.


End file.
